In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries student attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university period outweigh the disadvantages.
In
western
Capitalize word
Western
countries
Add a comma
countries,
students
believe that travelling to new
Add an article
a new
city
would support them in completing their education
, while
Change preposition
in eastern
eastern
Capitalize word
Eastern
countries
students
prefers
to stay Change the verb form
prefer
home
to complete their education
. This
essay will explore and explain why there are these difference
in opinion exist by comparing both pros and cons of each situation with reasoned examples.
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
To begin
with, University
Correct article usage
a University
education
is a specialization in a particular field which requires constant feedback from their
peers and mentors to excel in their preferred field. Correct pronoun usage
apply
This
require
Change the verb form
requires
students
to travel to places near the university
. In addition
, university
period is known for educating youth about living and surviving on their own in a completely different Correct article usage
the university
city
. Scientific studies shows
significant personal Change the verb form
show
developement
in emotional maturity, financial Correct your spelling
development
independency
and Correct your spelling
independence
decision making
.
Add a hyphen
decision-making
On the other hand
, Eastern students
stays
Change the verb form
stay
home
which is believed to have its own perks. For instance
, changing education
and making peace with the complete
different environment is a difficult task for many Change the adjective
completely
students
, making a higher scorer student harder to pass. Survey
reveals almost over 35% of Correct article usage
A survey
university
student fails
their first term exams Correct subject-verb agreement
fail
due to
change
in Fix the agreement mistake
changes
education
space. Moreover
, students
fails
more Change the verb form
fail
due to
their access to new freedom in a new city
with noone
supervising them to complete their appointed tasks. Correct your spelling
no one
This
is easily overlapped in eastern countries
by staying in
Change preposition
at
home
. This
overlapped
is Replace the word
overlap
also
believed to be one of the many reasons why eastern
Capitalize word
Eastern
countries
are developing faster then
Replace the word
than
western
Capitalize word
Western
countries
.
In conclusion, travelling a
new Change preposition
to a
city
to complete education
allows Correct pronoun usage
their education
students
to get a better understanding in
living on their own which results in Change preposition
of
students
developing new skills and overall
personal development. However
, this
development often leads many students
to distracted
Add a missing verb
be distracted
due to
their unsupervised freedom and failing in their education
. While
completing education
from home
may allow students
to score more then
Replace the word
than
western
but lacks Capitalize word
Western
in
personal and social skills which can only be learned by living alone. In my opinion, personal development outweighs any Change preposition
apply
education
which is attained by living alone.Submitted by nick
on
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coherence and cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a clearer structure in the introduction. Try to present your thesis statement more directly at the beginning. This will help to set the stage for the reader more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. This can be done by using linking words and phrases effectively, which will improve the logical flow of your ideas.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This could help in illustrating your points more vividly and substantively and augmenting the relevance.
task achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the argument, presenting a balanced view which demonstrates thoroughness.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion is well-rounded, summarizing the key points effectively and presenting an opinion logically tied to the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay contains a good range of vocabulary and structures.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example