IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

A lot of people nowadays are spending too much money and they don’t save anything for future use. Is this a positive or a negative development?

#people #money #don’t #future #development
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
, Life
has been
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 so expensive so
people
 must save
money
 for the future
in addition
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
Correct article usage
the requirments
show examples
requirments
Correct your spelling
requirements
, So they would not beg for
money
 or take
loan
Add an article
a loan
the loan
show examples
. First of all, of
course
Add a comma
course,
show examples
this
 is a negative development since they spend so much
money
 on
non important
Add a hyphen
non-important
show examples
 things, an example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 that would be
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online shopping
also
 on
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fancy
resturants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
restaurant
together with
 buying a
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 car and gifts that are so expensive like brand clothes or shoes and necklaces like hermes and chanel
also
prada
Change the capitalization
Prada
show examples
bulgari
Change the capitalization
Bulgari
show examples
.
On the other hand
, when
people
 do not save
money
 they can not afford
buying
Change the verb form
to buy
show examples
 a house
as well as
 cars
furthermore
 could not be rich enough
for starting
Change preposition
to start
show examples
 a new family and
paying
Wrong verb form
pay
show examples
 for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 children
also
 wives/
husbends
Correct your spelling
husbands
 and
pretense
Change the spelling
pretence
show examples
 have the
money
 for grocery
Add the comma(s)
, for example,
show examples
for example
 food, drinks, clothes.
Finally
, I think that
people
 should save
money
 but
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not be stingier
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
yourself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 and the
people
 that important in your life, you should spend as much as
money
 you are saving so you do not be so poor or be so rich
Submitted by weam11200 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure by clearly organizing your paragraphs. For instance, separate the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion more distinctly.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are more directly supported by specific examples. For instance, elaborate on how spending on non-essential items affects long-term financial security.
language accuracy
Enhance your language accuracy to reduce minor errors, particularly with grammar and spelling. This will make your ideas clearer and more convincing.
task achievement
The essay adequately addresses the prompt by identifying excessive spending as a negative development.
introduction presence
The introduction provides a clear context for the discussion, outlining the need for saving money.
supported main points
There is a good attempt to explain both the drawbacks of excessive spending and the importance of saving.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic instability
  • financial trouble
  • emergencies
  • economic downturns
  • financial security
  • long-term goals
  • higher education
  • retiring comfortably
  • paycheck to paycheck
  • stress and anxiety
  • mental health
  • stimulate the economy
  • generate employment
  • business growth
  • debt accumulation
  • consumerism culture
  • material goods
  • personal development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: