IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010.

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie charts provide data about
household
Use synonyms
 average
Use synonyms
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 six primary categories between 1950 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
，housing accounted for the highest proportion far more than other categories, at that period most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
families ignored
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
. After 6 decades,
household
Use synonyms
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 on housing obviously decreased;
However
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 expenditure increased at the same time. Delving into details, in 1950
household
Use synonyms
spend
Change the form of the verb
spending
show examples
 on housing constituted the highest expenditure with 72.1%, followed by food at 11.2%. The third largest
expense
Use synonyms
 is education with 6.6%.
Whereas
Linking Words
 it is obvious that
household
Use synonyms
 expenditure on transportation and
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 is far less
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
other
Change preposition
to other
show examples
 categories, with 3.3% and 2.4, respectively.
Additionally
Linking Words
, other
Use synonyms
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
show examples
 accounted for 4.4%. After 60 years, it is
noticeable
Add an article
the noticeable
a noticeable
show examples
household
Use synonyms
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 housing decreased
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
half from 72.1% to 22%.
However
Linking Words
, a significant increase can
be see
Change the verb form
be seen
show examples
 in food which made up the highest proportion with 34%.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 increased
almost
Change preposition
by almost
show examples
 doubled at 4.5%.
In addition
Linking Words
,
household
Use synonyms
 spending on other and transportation
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
obviously increased a lot with 19.2% and 14% respectively.
Whereas
Linking Words
 education slightly decreased from 6.6% to 6.3% over the period.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, whereas".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words household, expense, health, care with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: