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Writing Samples
Band 5

The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education center in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants.

The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education center in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants.
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this
Linking Words
 bar
chart
Use synonyms
 shows 4 courses for an adult education centre in the year 2009 that more than number of people means about 60 people include 20 women and 40 men attending the course language and
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 course, painting with about 52 people attend higher than courses drama and sculpture that includes 30 women and 22 men and about course drama attends is 30 folk and
this
Linking Words
 bar
chart
Use synonyms
 the lowest attends related to sculpture that 13 peoples include 10 women and 3 men the pie
chart
Use synonyms
 shows
Add an article
the percent
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
ages
Use synonyms
 attending the courses that more than
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 include 50 or over age with 42%
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
colour
Use synonyms
 dark orange and the lowest attends related to aged under 20 with 5%
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
colour
Use synonyms
 blue and another of
ages
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
more than attend is 40-49
ages
Use synonyms
 that include 26% to
colour
Use synonyms
 orang and the yellow
colour
Use synonyms
 is
ages
Use synonyms
 30-39 with 16% and
this
Linking Words
 pie
chart
Use synonyms
 green
colour
Use synonyms
 is 20-29
ages
Use synonyms
 with 11%

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, ages, colour with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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