Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?
From the
perpective
of some individuals,Correct your spelling
perspective
money
is the crucial thing for being happy.In this
essay,I will touch the
answer Change preposition
on the
of
two questions,can Change preposition
to
people
be happy without money
and which factors
contribute towards happiness
?
It is undeniable that,in modern
Correct article usage
the modern
era
some Add a comma
era,
factors
and situations depend on the amount of money
.Money
has the
great implications Correct article usage
apply
on
Change preposition
for
people
and society.Educational institutions,good clinics,travelling,being the latest model of technological equipments
,all of them are considered essential points Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
in
the members of society.Change preposition
for
For realizing
these ones we need Change preposition
To realize
money
.If you want to be healthier you have to gone
to the hospitals,you have to buy vitamins and other pharmacies.If any person wants to be Change the verb
go
high
educational student ,he /she Correct article usage
a high
have
to Change the verb form
has
be
Verb problem
have
money
for going to the best courses or taking lessons from the best instructors.Additionally
,for relaxing or going to
Change preposition
on
the
trip ,Correct article usage
a
money
needs
.So,I definitely think thatWrong verb form
is needed
,
Remove the comma
apply
money
can buy happiness
and people
can not be happier without much money
.
Happiness
is not only measured with money
,but also
other factors
can impact to
Change preposition
apply
happiness
.For instance
,existence
of Add an article
the existence
best
family,Add an article
the best
friends
,Correct word choice
and friends
surrounding
Wrong verb form
surrounded
with
Change preposition
by
much
positive Change the quantifier
many
people
also
contribute towards happiness
.Let me clear
,if we have Add a missing verb
be clear
best
family,Change the article
the best
i
mean parents you are so lucky .Given that,you know that they Change the capitalization
I
everytime
support you,Replace the word
every time
nevertheless
your mistakes or absolve.Secondly
,if you have best friends ,it means that ,
you have another family and you can share all of your problems and secrets with them.They are always proud of your luckies.Remove the comma
apply
Third
and the latest factor is surrounding with positive Correct article usage
The third
people
.Cause ,they always send you good energy and feel you productively.
In conclusion,I want to mention that ,individuals can not be much happy without money
,according to
their needs.But there are some factors
also
that,they can not be bought without money
say,family ,friends and positive and supportive people
.Submitted by zeynalli.tarana on
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task response
Your introduction provides a clear outline of the essay's aims; however, it can be improved for clarity. Consider rephrasing it to make it more concise.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are well-organized and flow logically. There are some moments where transitions between ideas could be smoother.
task response
Include specific examples to enhance your arguments. This will strengthen your essay and make it more relatable for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.
task response
The recognition of non-monetary factors contributing towards happiness is well-described and adds depth to your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.