IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #university #students #home #study #city
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Unlike schools studying at university has two
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options
opptions
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opportunities
, either to
study
 in your city
while
 living with your parents and siblings, or to have the chance to live your own
live
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life
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 and move to
other city
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another city
other cities
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 in order to
study
 , in
this
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essay
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assay
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essay
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i
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I
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 will
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discuss
discusse
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discuss
 both sides on each method, and i will mention my personal conclusion
In
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On
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 one hand, staying with family
while
 studying has many good factors which can impact your performance , including ; having spiritual and social support , going to
univarsity
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university
consider
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is considered
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as
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a
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 new experience ,
at
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and at
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 some
point
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point,
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 you will need
a
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apply
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support and expert recommendations ,
whom
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who
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 could be your father or older sibling . The
challange
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challenge
to
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of studying
show examples
study
 at
parent's
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my parent's
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 home
,
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apply
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is the family gatherings , which
prevents
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prevent
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you
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me
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 from creating a proper
atmospher
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atmosphere
 to
study
.
On the other hand
, the advantage of moving to
anoher
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another
 city, is giving you the opportunity to explore the world,
for example
 ; if you are living
on
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in
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 your own
appartment
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apartment
, not in
unversity accomidation
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university accommodation
, you will be forced to work to provide rent
expens
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expenses
, which will give you an experience and at the same time it can be added to your CV , but the disadvantage is being away from your beloved ones which can affect you
emotionaly
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emotionally
, especially during
stressfull
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stressful
 time like exams. In conclusion , each way has its cons and
prons
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pros
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, but I
blieve
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believe
 that taking the
ooportunity
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opportunity
 and going out of
you
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your
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 comfort zone, will shape your personality and it will give you the courage to face the world after graduation.
Submitted by meajaberi on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a more consistent logical flow. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main point and transitions smoothly to the next idea.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure. Minor mistakes detract from clarity and can be confusing to the reader.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your points stronger and more convincing.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which are essential for a structured essay.
complete response
The essay covers both sides of the argument, showing a balanced perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
What to do next:
Look at other essays: