In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in their families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parent’s absence. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own.
In the era of globalization, new payments have been raised.
This
made parents
conscious about the future. They are trying their best for their kids
. Therefore
, a diverse range of parents
believe that it is essential for both
of them to work
to elevate their life quality, while
others assume that if they both
work
their kids
will be frustrated. In this
essay, I will elaborate on both
statements.
On the one hand, burdens have been increased due to
bills and inflation. This
made a lot of individuals are struggling and can not endure more. Moreover
, They want to have better lives for their kids
. They work
together to increase their income and save some money for the future. In addition
, they want to work
as they are young, as a result
, they can retire early to spend enough time with their adolescents. For instance
, In Egypt, both
parents
are working to raise their wages. Their income is low , thus
for a better social life, they work
together.
On the other hand
, this
can have a side effect on our children. They will feel that the money is more crucial than them. Furthermore
, they will feel that they can not play with their parents
and do not have any feelings for them. Moving further
, they will get raised by others , hence
they will assume that they are their real lovers. For example
, in Middle Eastern countries, most affluent persons are bringing maids to serve their kids
. This
made a lot of kids
are loving
them Wrong verb form
love
instead
of loving parents
.
In conclusion, we should balance between balance and Correct pronoun usage
their parents
work
. Our children have the right to spend a lot of time with us and obtain love from us. If the income is enough for one person and it can make us have a suitable life, then
the other person can stay home to take care of the children.Submitted by mohannadsme on
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grammar
Ensure grammatical structures and expressions are accurate and natural. For instance, the second sentence in the introduction could be clearer: 'This has made parents more conscious of their children's future.'
examples
Try to provide more specific examples that illustrate your points more vividly. Currently, the example about Egypt is somewhat general.
coherence
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs. The transition between discussing benefits and drawbacks could be more fluid.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, summarizing the main points effectively.
task response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
clarity
The arguments are generally clear and are supported with appropriate points and examples.