IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In many places, people's lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships.

#places #people #lifestyles #relationships
In numerous countries,
people’s
 way of
life
 is transformed significantly and
this
 impacts family connections.
While
changes
 have benefits
due to
 strengthening s between family members, they pale in comparison with stress that can cause arguments within the family There are people who argue that
changes
 in
people’s
 standard of living can be advantageous for their lives. Since technologies have advanced, providing modern methods of communication, including messengers, video calls, social networks, and various apps, families can maintain communication more conveniently than it was before. These interactions might improve communication skills that can impact
people’s
 total well-being.
Thus
, constant contact can help strengthen connections between household members, fostering a sense of unity and togetherness.
However
, others believe that
changes
 can be stressful, and in turn, negatively affect relationships between relatives, and I side with
this
 point of view. During significant transformations in
life
 habits, people can experience immense mental pressure, causing arguments within families. These disagreements might provoke exacerbating anxiety, which can lead to deep depression. Mental issues can dramatically deteriorate all spheres of
life
, starting with a decrease in social interactions,
ending
Correct word choice
and ending
show examples
 with problems in a professional field.
That is
 why I consider the fast pace of
life
 harmful.
To conclude
, even though
changes
 in
people’s
 lifestyles have their merits,
however
, I strongly believe that they can be harmful to the general well-being of humans, and that considerably outweighs
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
.
Submitted by elena.rynhailo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure precise topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly signal the main idea of the paragraph.
task achievement
Integrate specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, provide an example of a family facing stress due to rapid lifestyle changes.
coherence cohesion
Focus on maintaining a consistent level of formality throughout the essay. Avoid conversational phrases or informal language.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied transition words to link ideas smoothly and coherently.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You effectively present two different viewpoints and clearly state your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your vocabulary and sentence structures are used accurately, demonstrating a good command of English.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: