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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph show changes in spending habits of people in the UK between 1971 and 2001. Write a report to university lecturer describing the data.

The graph show changes in spending habits of people in the UK between 1971 and 2001. Write a report to university lecturer describing the data.
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The chart demonstrates the variations in the expenditure habits of the citizens of
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom from 1971 to 2001.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 people spent
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
 of their income on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 in 1971,
whereas
Linking Words
 in 2001,
cars
Use synonyms
 grabbed their concentration.
However
Linking Words
, the
food
Use synonyms
, furniture, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fuel were paid less over the period. In the year 1971, the majority of the people's income was catered to
food
Use synonyms
 which is about 44%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the expenditure made on
cars
Use synonyms
 was half of that on
food
Use synonyms
 and double
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that of the spendings on petrol.
In addition
Linking Words
, the UK population purchased books(6%), computers(2%), furniture(9%), and about 7% of the amount was paid to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
restaurant services. By the year 2001, the situation was reversed in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of
cars
Use synonyms
 and
food
Use synonyms
 purchases,
cars
Use synonyms
 were spent three times more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
. The money spent on computers was augmented by about six times
whereas
Linking Words
 in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of the restaurant services it was doubled.
Moreover
Linking Words
, books were the least spent item by the end of the period with about 1%
Change preposition
of spendings
show examples
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words food, cars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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