Some schools have restricted the use of mobile phones. Is this a positive development or a negative one? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples fromyour own knowledge or experience.

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These days,several
schools
are
baning
Correct your spelling
banning
show examples
the usage of mobile
phones
for
students
.
In other words
,the pupils can not bring their
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school.There is no doubt that
this
desicion
Correct your spelling
decision
can create many positive and negative aspects.
This
essay will look at both sides and
also
I will support my own view with some significant examples. Let's begin by looking at some reasons
about
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apply
show examples
why people disagree with the restriction of taking
mobiles
to
schools
.
Firstly
,one of the main reasons is that the
students
should
access
Add a missing verb
have access
show examples
to
mobiles
Change the noun form
mobile
show examples
phones
in order to communicate with their parents in some substantial circumstances,
instead
of informing principals.
Secondly
,if
students
have to research
about
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apply
show examples
their lessons with their classmates,they will
require
Wrong verb form
be required
show examples
to use their mobile
phones
.
Finally
,in modern
life
Add a comma
life,
show examples
it is unlikely to ban the usage of
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
in some
schools
.
That is
to say,not only can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
having
mobiles
in
schools
crucial,but
also
it can help the
students
to learn how to use
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
phones
correctly.
On the other hand
,I strongly agree with banning the utilize of
mobiles
in
schools
because of some significant reasons.
one
Capitalize word
One
show examples
of the striking
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
is that the consumption of mobile
phones
can be
distraction
Add an article
a distraction
show examples
for learning lessons for
students
.Clearly,the pupils in the
schoolsay
Correct your spelling
schools
school say
have a considerable number of friends and
also
they can be amused by their
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
.Another reason why I agree with
this
ideas
Fix the agreement mistake
idea
show examples
is that the
students
should learn to follow the rules of their
schools
from their childhood.It is considered that,if
students
are limited
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
using their
phones
,they will simply learn to follow the rules of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
To conclude
,It is true that the restriction of mobile
phones
in
the
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apply
show examples
schools
can
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
some negative points,It
also
includes various important positive aspects for both pupils and society.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position on the topic. Perhaps you can rephrase your introduction to make it more concise and direct.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples from your personal experience or wider knowledge to support your arguments. This will enhance the relevance and persuasiveness of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on maintaining a consistent structure in your paragraphs. Each paragraph should ideally begin with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on the main idea.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to your word choice and sentence structure to avoid repetition and improve readability. This can enhance the logical flow of ideas in your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is fundamental for coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You have addressed both the positive and negative sides of the argument, showing a balanced view which is important in a task like this.
clear comprehensive ideas
The main points you discussed are relevant to the topic and provide a comprehensive view of the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • minimize distractions
  • cyberbullying
  • inappropriate content
  • face-to-face interaction
  • enhancing social skills
  • emergencies
  • educational opportunities
  • learning tools
  • resistance
  • essential for communication
  • safety purposes
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