IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

With the increasing demand for energy sources of oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched natural places. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages of damaging such areas？

#demand #energy #sources #oil #gas #people #places #areas？
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
With the increasing demand for energy
sources
 of
oil
 and
gas
, people should look for
sources
 of
oil
 and
gas
 in remote and untouched natural places. Do the advantages outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 of damaging
such
 areas？With the increasing demand for energy
sources
 of
oil
 and
gas
, people should look for
sources
 of
oil
 and
gas
 in remote and untouched natural places. Do the advantages outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 of damaging
such
 areas？
Submitted by almeem on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider including more specific examples to strengthen your points. By illustrating your arguments with concrete instances, you can make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Using transitional phrases can help improve the overall coherence and make your essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
You present comprehensive ideas and cover the topic well, showing a good understanding of the issue at hand.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • energy sources
  • industrial growth and development
  • economic benefits
  • job creation
  • revenues
  • technological advancements
  • extraction process
  • biodiversity
  • natural habitats
  • indigenous communities
  • displacement
  • traditional way of life
  • environmental disasters
  • oil spills
  • long-lasting effects
  • widespread effects
What to do next:
Look at other essays: