IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people who care for elderly do not have enough time to look after them. What are the problems related to this? What are some possible solutions?

#people #care #time
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Recently individuals become as busy as expected in taking care of old
people
.
This
 writer believes that these days humans don't have sufficient
time
 to look after their parents. The following essay will advocate the drawbacks and suitable solutions. There are two main reasons related to
this
 issue.
Firstly
, long periods of work
time
 cause adults to not have enough
time
 to spend
time
 with their own families.
secondly
, financial problems can be considered as difficulties
to look
Change preposition
in looking
show examples
 after them actually the cost of nursing puts enormous strain on their budget not only insists on parents feeling
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dependent person but
also
 increases personal pressure.
As a result
, society doesn't have enough support for them. Moving on to the solution for these issues, many
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 unions asked governments to decrease working hours. In
this
 way,
people
 will have sufficient
time
 to be with their family and take care of elder
people
.
Furthermore
 , authorities should provide medical service centres to help citizens in the way of taking care of old
people
. Taking everything into account, it cannot be denied that
people
 should adapt themselves to the current situation and take responsibility as children It's vital to know all will experience the same situation and it's better the benefit from hindsight to build the future.
Submitted by ghorbanisahar355 on

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task achievement
Ensure all points raised are clearly linked to the topic and address the essay prompt fully.
coherence cohesion
Proofread the essay to eliminate grammatical and punctuation errors.
task achievement
Develop each main point further with relevant examples and detailed explanation.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which frame the essay well.
task achievement
The essay identifies relevant issues and provides potential solutions to the problem.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • burnout
  • neglect
  • emotional distress
  • social interaction
  • mental stimulation
  • financial costs
  • community care services
  • respite care
  • telehealth services
  • flexible work arrangements
  • caregiver leave policies
  • support networks
  • emotional support
  • monitoring systems
  • training programs
  • interpersonal strain
What to do next:
Look at other essays: