the most important aim of science should be to improve people`s lives
One of the major purposes of science is to improve
people
`s lives. In this
essay, I will discuss both views and my opinion at the end
.
There are a lot of inventions
nowadays that improve people
`s lives, such
as cars, planes and computers. First of all, cars help people
move to another place, and some of the people
travelled
by Wrong verb form
travel
the
car. Remove the article
apply
Secondly
, planes help people
to travel to other nations and learn about new cultures and languages. It
Add a verb
It is
It was
also
important to highlight computers, it
help students to study and do research, not only students Correct pronoun usage
they
use
computers, every one
Replace the word
everyone
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
computer
for other purposes.
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
However
, a lot of people
use
inventions
in the wrong way. For example
, cell phones were used in the past the mobile use
to connect with each other and chat with family and friends. But nowadays people
use
phones for entertainment, and that makes people
lazy. Again, TV one
of the main Add a missing verb
is one
inventions
, but when the a
person Choose an article
the
a
watch
TV a lot for Change the verb form
watches
along
time, that Correct your spelling
a long
maybe
cause obesity and health issues, like, high blood pressure. Correct your spelling
may
For instance
, children play video games all the time, not only in their free time, and this
cause
big Change the verb form
causes
healthy
problems, in comparison with the children before the computer and TV.
Replace the word
health
To sum up
, it is clear that
science improves people
`s life
. In my opinion, Fix the agreement mistake
lives
the
Correct article usage
apply
inventions
have both effects, and all people
should choose the good effect of the invention. I agree that science improves people
`s lives and helps them.Submitted by joudaalhammadi on
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task response
Your essay provides a good introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your arguments. However, try to clarify your stance in the introduction to make it more definitive.
task response
Ensure that each main point is clearly and fully developed. For example, elaborate on how cars and planes improve lives by giving more specific examples or data.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure and the ideas are generally cohesive, but there are moments when sentences and ideas appear a bit disjointed. Pay attention to transitional phrases to ensure smoother flow between paragraphs and ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases to make your essay more fluent. For example, instead of repeatedly saying 'people use,' try varying the structure: 'The use of...' or 'Utilizing...'
structure
You have a well-defined structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This creates a good foundation for your essay.
language use
You’ve used a range of vocabulary and expressions, which demonstrates your language proficiency.
supporting examples
You provided relevant examples, such as cars, planes, and computers, to support your main points, which adds credibility to your arguments.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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