the most important aim of science should be to improve people`s lives

One of the major purposes of science is to improve
people
`s lives. In
this
essay, I will discuss both views and my opinion
at the end
. There are a lot of
inventions
nowadays that improve
people
`s lives,
such
as cars, planes and computers. First of all, cars help
people
move to another place, and some of the
people
travelled
Wrong verb form
travel
show examples
by
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
car.
Secondly
, planes help
people
to travel to other nations and learn about new cultures and languages.
It
Add a verb
It is
It was
show examples
also
important to highlight computers,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
help students to study and do research, not only students
use
computers,
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
for other purposes.
However
, a lot of
people
use
inventions
in the wrong way.
For example
, cell phones were used in the past the mobile
use
to connect with each other and chat with family and friends. But nowadays
people
use
phones for entertainment, and that makes
people
lazy. Again, TV
one
Add a missing verb
is one
show examples
of the main
inventions
, but when
the a
Choose an article
the
a
show examples
person
watch
Change the verb form
watches
show examples
TV a lot for
along
Correct your spelling
a long
show examples
time, that
maybe
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
cause obesity and health issues, like, high blood pressure.
For instance
, children play video games all the time, not only in their free time, and
this
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
big
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
problems, in comparison with the children before the computer and TV.
To sum up
,
it is clear that
science improves
people
`s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In my opinion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inventions
have both effects, and all
people
should choose the good effect of the invention. I agree that science improves
people
`s lives and helps them.
Submitted by joudaalhammadi on

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task response
Your essay provides a good introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your arguments. However, try to clarify your stance in the introduction to make it more definitive.
task response
Ensure that each main point is clearly and fully developed. For example, elaborate on how cars and planes improve lives by giving more specific examples or data.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure and the ideas are generally cohesive, but there are moments when sentences and ideas appear a bit disjointed. Pay attention to transitional phrases to ensure smoother flow between paragraphs and ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases to make your essay more fluent. For example, instead of repeatedly saying 'people use,' try varying the structure: 'The use of...' or 'Utilizing...'
structure
You have a well-defined structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This creates a good foundation for your essay.
language use
You’ve used a range of vocabulary and expressions, which demonstrates your language proficiency.
supporting examples
You provided relevant examples, such as cars, planes, and computers, to support your main points, which adds credibility to your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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