IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

the most important aim of science should be to improve people`s lives

#aim #science #people`s #lives
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One of the major purposes of science is to improve
Use synonyms
people
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`s lives. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and my opinion
at the end
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. There are a lot of
inventions
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 nowadays that improve
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people
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`s lives,
such
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 as cars, planes and computers. First of all, cars help
people
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 move to another place, and some of the
people
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travelled
Wrong verb form
travel
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 by
the
Remove the article
apply
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car.
Secondly
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, planes help
people
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 to travel to other nations and learn about new cultures and languages.
It
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It is
It was
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also
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 important to highlight computers,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 help students to study and do research, not only students
use
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 computers,
every one
Replace the word
everyone
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use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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 for other purposes.
However
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, a lot of
people
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use
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inventions
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 in the wrong way.
For example
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, cell phones were used in the past the mobile
use
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 to connect with each other and chat with family and friends. But nowadays
people
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use
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 phones for entertainment, and that makes
people
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 lazy. Again, TV
one
Add a missing verb
is one
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 of the main
inventions
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, but when
the a
Choose an article
the
a
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 person
watch
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watches
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 TV a lot for
along
Correct your spelling
a long
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 time, that
maybe
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may
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 cause obesity and health issues, like, high blood pressure.
For instance
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, children play video games all the time, not only in their free time, and
this
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cause
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causes
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 big
healthy
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health
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 problems, in comparison with the children before the computer and TV.
To sum up
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,
it is clear that
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 science improves
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people
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`s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. In my opinion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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inventions
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 have both effects, and all
people
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 should choose the good effect of the invention. I agree that science improves
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people
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`s lives and helps them.
Submitted by joudaalhammadi on

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task response
Your essay provides a good introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your arguments. However, try to clarify your stance in the introduction to make it more definitive.
task response
Ensure that each main point is clearly and fully developed. For example, elaborate on how cars and planes improve lives by giving more specific examples or data.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure and the ideas are generally cohesive, but there are moments when sentences and ideas appear a bit disjointed. Pay attention to transitional phrases to ensure smoother flow between paragraphs and ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases to make your essay more fluent. For example, instead of repeatedly saying 'people use,' try varying the structure: 'The use of...' or 'Utilizing...'
structure
You have a well-defined structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This creates a good foundation for your essay.
language use
You’ve used a range of vocabulary and expressions, which demonstrates your language proficiency.
supporting examples
You provided relevant examples, such as cars, planes, and computers, to support your main points, which adds credibility to your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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