IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

The following bar graph compares the age profiles of male and female cinema goers in the year 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The following bar graph compares the age profiles of male and female cinema goers in the year 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#bar #age #profiles #cinema #goers #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The given bar chart illustrates the percentage of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 doing physical activity
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 different
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 in the year 2010.
overall
,In
comparesing
Correct your spelling
comparing
compares
 with other periods of time we can see that males with
age
Correct subject-verb agreement
ages
show examples
 of 15 to 24 were the highest rate . moving to the next part the rate of
famale
Correct your spelling
female
 in
25
Correct article usage
the 25
show examples
 to 34
age
group
 were beating up
males
Correct article usage
the males
show examples
age
group
 with 48.9
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
as well as
 they were 42.2
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 only.
In addition
 at the
age
 35to 44 it
clear
Add a missing verb
is clear
show examples
 that
male
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
age
group
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 and more decreasing on the opposite with
female
Correct article usage
the female
show examples
age
group
wich
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
 has frequently
going
Change the verb form
gone
show examples
 up . to
conlude
Correct your spelling
conclude
, until reaching to
age
65
Change preposition
of 65
show examples
 and over we can say that they are
quiet
Correct your spelling
quite
show examples
 the same
persentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
.
however
,
Correct article usage
the females
show examples
females
Change the noun form
female
show examples
age
group
 was a hint of higher.
Submitted by aljouri50x50 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar graph
  • age profiles
  • cinema goers
  • demographic trends
  • percentage
  • attendance
  • age categories
  • gender comparison
  • target audience
  • cinema attendee
  • age-wise breakdown
  • demographic trends
  • highest/lowest attendance
  • noteworthy differences
  • age groups
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