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Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #competition #work #school #life
Some believe that competing in different daily activities
such
 as
work
 and school is a good sign,
while
 others think people should show more
cooperation
 rather than competition.
This
 essay will show that
although
 competition extracts the best performance from individuals,
cooperation
 increases their Productivity. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, when people compete with each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
 they always seek
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
success. Achieving
this
 cannot be done without
hardworking
Correct word choice
hard work
show examples
 in professional or academic life. When these individuals always
work
 harder they will get the best copy of their personalities, and that
what
Add a missing verb
is what
show examples
 most of the
profit making
Add a hyphen
profit-making
show examples
 companies
relay
Correct your spelling
rely
show examples
 on to increase their sales.
For instance
, Microsoft company gives their
top selling
Add a hyphen
top-selling
show examples
 employees extra pay
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with their
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
.
However
, I believe
this
 action will put
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 amount of pressure on employees, and sometimes
this
 can lead to unethical
competitions
Fix the agreement mistake
competition
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
Cooperation
 at
work
 or at school can make groups more productive. By giving each one the opportunity to share his or her ideas, projects or
asignments
Correct your spelling
assignments
 will be done in
away
Correct your spelling
a way
show examples
 to
be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 almost error-free. These days many companies and employers count on teamwork experiences to hire employees to build a friendly productive
atmospher
Correct your spelling
atmosphere
. In conclusion, despite the fact that
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
competing with your
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
 or opponent can build your character and show the best copy of yourself,
cooperation
 can increase your giving ability by helping you to
work
 in a safe friendly environment and that what most reputable companies
counts
Change the verb form
count
show examples
 on to increase their
revues
Correct your spelling
revenue
show examples
.
Ielts
Correct your spelling
IELTS
 score for
this
 essay
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General
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that could be improved for better readability.
Task Achievement
Work on providing more detailed and relevant examples to support your points. This will help to illustrate your arguments more effectively and provide a more convincing response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. While the essay is generally coherent, some transitions could be improved to enhance the logical flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
You've included a balanced discussion of both views and expressed your own opinion clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both clear and well-defined, framing your essay effectively.
General
Your essay shows an understanding of the topic and the ability to discuss it from different perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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