IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#minutes #proportion #population #three #countries #information #features #comparisons
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The line graph illustrates the percentages of the population in elderly groups
age
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three diverse countries namely Japan, Sweden and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
. As we can see, Japan
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
 starting point among the others in 1940 with only 5%. Unfortunately,
this
paces
Fix the agreement mistake
pace
show examples
continue
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
 to drop and eventually steady for almost 22 years before
reached to
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 a peak point of 26% rates in 2040
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
marked
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher numbers compared to
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two countries. Meanwhile,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Sweden,
shown
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 a
fluctuate
Change the verb form
fluctuating
show examples
 trend.
However
, after 100 years, a positive direction ended with 25% in numbers.
Lastly
, in 1940, America
country has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a higher score of population in the ageing category with 9% in figures but
suprisingly
Correct your spelling
surprisingly
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 fewer as opposed to the Japan and Sweden
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 in 2040.
Overall
, all three countries have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 upward swing after a
centuary
Correct your spelling
century
 as the population and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 advanced,
more
Correct word choice
and more
show examples
 and more older generations experience and
enjoyed
Wrong verb form
enjoy
show examples
 the side of the developments.
Not to mention
, the healthcare services.
Submitted by tifjong on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • population aged 65 and over
  • trends
  • upward trend
  • significant increase
  • decrease
  • specific points in time
  • starting point
  • ending points
  • highest proportion
  • lowest proportion
  • given period
  • timeline
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