IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The pie chart illustrates the pivotal ground that negatively affects the productivity of agricultural land while the table shows information about the proportion of land degradation due to those effects categorized in three separate areas of the world within the 1990s period.

The pie chart illustrates the pivotal ground that negatively affects the productivity of agricultural land while the table shows information about the proportion of land degradation due to those effects categorized in three separate areas of the world within the 1990s period.
#ground #productivity #land #information #proportion #degradation #effects #three #areas #world #period
The pie chart
depict
Change the verb form
depicts
show examples
 the pivotal ground that negatively affects the productivity of agricultural
land
while
 the table
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 data about the proportion of
land
 degradation
due to
 those effects categorized in three separate areas of the world during the 1990 years
Overall
it is clear that
 the highest percentage of
over -grazing
Correct your spelling
overgrazing
show examples
 compared with the lowest figures of other
duing
Correct your spelling
during
 1990 . At
bigen
Correct your spelling
begin
with, the causes of
worldwild
Correct your spelling
world
land
 degradation
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
grazing were increased number by approximately 35%
percantge .
Correct your spelling
per cent while
while
 deforestation nearly less than
third
Correct article usage
a third
show examples
.
Correct your spelling
whereas
whereas
other very small number
Change the wording
another very small number
other very small numbers
show examples
. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, the
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
culitvation
Correct your spelling
cultivation
 highest productive of agricultural
land
 in 1990 . In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 the
over grazing
Correct your spelling
overgrazing
show examples
 area rose one competitively in
this
 areas .
Submitted by almeem on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 81%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words land with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: