In some countries, children under 16 years old are not allowed to leave school by law and get full-time work . Is this a good or bad thing ? Discuss your opinion.

Owing to the issue which kids under 16 years are prohibited from leaving school by law and getting full-time
work
in some nations, leading to some communities think that it has inequality perspectives. I arguably assume that it is a pivotal policy by governments to reduce substantial problems in the future, which I commence my argument on in the following paragraphs. One serious problem that can arise from stopping
children
from
education
matters before the legal
age
can lead to imbalance behaviour.
Additionally
, at that
age
,
according to
scientific journals, hormones in the brain certainly cannot process properly whether it is
positives
Fix the agreement mistake
positive
show examples
or
negatives
Fix the agreement mistake
negative
show examples
, in addressing adopting adult behaviour.
For example
, it is challenging for
children
at a young
age
to
work
with professionals who lack knowledge in a certain job because it requires high discipline and consistency.
Also
, a high-potential danger device in a certain job should have assistance, which
children
under
age
cannot access, which is
consequently
difficult to obtain for them. In my opinion,
children
under 16 years should study different curriculums to prepare them for higher levels of
education
and to face crucial situations in the workforce. By creating a compulsory law to avoid
further
circumstances, governments allow parents to not worry about
this
issue by reducing
education
fees from elementary to high school stages.
In other words
, parents with low incomes should not force their
children
to
work
to help the family's finances. Presumably, I think it is a good decision from the
authority
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authorities
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to implement the laws to not
allowed
Wrong verb form
allow
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pupils in
engaging
Verb problem
apply
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advance
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advanced
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jobs to avoid potential issues which probably
happens
Correct subject-verb agreement
happen
show examples
in the long
terms
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term
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.
To conclude
, there are various disadvantages which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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can cause non-beneficial effects for
children
to
work
instead
of school. Alternatively, avoiding
labours
Correct your spelling
labourers
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under
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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in
this
case is, by incorporating
authoritiy
Correct your spelling
authority
authorities
schemes to
fees-free
Correct article usage
a fees-free
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education
system is a wise solution for each
parents
Change to a singular noun
parent
show examples
.
Submitted by wulandarianggieta on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are clearly and logically organized. Some sentences are complex and difficult to understand. Simplify your language to enhance clarity.
Task Achievement
Provide more concrete examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more persuasive.
Language Accuracy
Refine your vocabulary and grammar. There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that affect the readability of your essay.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear stance on the issue.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have utilized substantial ideas to support your argument and to illustrate the effects of the policy.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and contribute to the overall structure of the essay.
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