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Writing Samples /
Band 3

The number of people visited on university website and searched two sites in last 15 hours.

#people #university #website #two #sites #hours
The bar chart illustrates the visitors, who visited
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
two
web sites
Correct your spelling
websites
show examples
 in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 15 days in thousands explained by the professor from a university.
Overall
, it can be seen from the line graph many students showed more interest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 surfing
music
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
 as compared to
pop
Add an article
the pop
a pop
show examples
 parade.
Music
chose
Wrong verb form
chosen
show examples
 by the people
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 high,
whereas
music
 parade was searched less in
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 hours. It is conspicuous that
pop
Correct article usage
the pop
show examples
 parade was searched
nearly
Change preposition
by nearly
show examples
 120,000 in the first
hour
,
further
Add a comma
further,
show examples
 it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased in 3rd.
hour
 reached
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
190,000 and it declined sharply hit
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
62,000 in five
hour
Change to a plural noun
hours
show examples
,
additionally
Add a comma
additionally,
show examples
 it swung
and
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 abrupt increment to 150,000 in 11
hour
Change to a plural noun
hours
show examples
 and again it plummeted attained to 82,000 in 12th.
hour
 and
further
 fell in 13th.
hour
 again dramatic rose to 162,000 in 14th.
hour
Add an article
an hour
the hour
show examples
 and
finally
 touched 170,000 in
final
Add an article
the final
show examples
hour
.
In contrast
, people
searched
Correct pronoun usage
who searched
show examples
music
 choice in
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
hour
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 40,000 with some fluctuations it touched
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20,000 in
4th
Correct article usage
the 4th
show examples
.
hour
 and it was oscillator and reached at 22,000 in 11th.
hour
 and suddenly it jumped
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 120,000 in 12th.
hour
 and it displays some fluctuations and hit
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
68,000
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
15th
Correct article usage
the 15th
show examples
.
hour
.
Submitted by rbtech65 on

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly introduce the main purpose and context of the essay in the introduction. It will help the reader understand the topic better from the start.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to convey ideas more clearly and effectively.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices (like conjunctions and transitions) to link ideas within and between sentences more smoothly.
task achievement
The essay attempts to cover all aspects of the visual data, including overall trends, fluctuations, and specific data points.
task achievement
The essay provides specific numerical data to support main points, which strengthens the analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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