In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
These days, a lot of
people
who live in Correct article usage
the countrysides
countrysides
are moving to cities and Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
population
in the cities keeps increasing. Correct article usage
the population
This
phenomenon was revealed as a serious societal problem in the news for a long time and I also
think this
is negative for the nation's development.
Firstly
, people
's lives can become more tough because of the increasing population in the city
place. The size of the city
area
is very small compared to the countryside. However
, as citizens keep coming to the city
and the population is getting higher, the house prices will go upper and people
will have a hardship in looking for their living. For example
, in Korea, many 20's generation
Correct your spelling
20-year-old
people
are coming to the city
for the
job but they don't have much money to live in an apartment. Correct article usage
a
As a result
, they have to live underground
Change preposition
in underground
room
Fix the agreement mistake
rooms
instead
.
Secondly
, if most of the people
who live in rural area
move to the Fix the agreement mistake
areas
city
, then
there is no one who helps agriculture work, such
as planting and harvesting. And this
will impact very negatively on the food system. Humans need to eat rice and other kinds of food like fish or fruit. But if whole young generations move to the city
and only old adults are left in rural area
, the speed and quality of their work will get very bad and it will influence food production.
I think the tendency that young Fix the agreement mistake
areas
people
want to live in the city
is very natural. However
, the reason is the gap between urban city
and rural Fix the agreement mistake
cities
area
is too big. The quality of education, facilities and services in the Fix the agreement mistake
areas
city
is much higher than other
areas. So in conclusion, if the government try to build more centres for leisure life, make Change preposition
in other
a
transport system more convenient and make a lot of advantages for living in Correct article usage
the
rural
side, the moving rate will decrease.Correct article usage
the rural
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task achievement
You have addressed the task and provided a clear position on the topic. However, try to develop your ideas more fully with additional examples and explanation. This will strengthen your argument and provide a more comprehensive response to the task.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, make sure to develop paragraphs more evenly. Some points, like the impact on food production, could benefit from more detailed explanation. Transitions between paragraphs can also help the flow of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.
supported main points
The main points of your essay are relevant to the topic and supported with specific examples, such as the situation in Korea. This makes your argument more convincing.