In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

These days, a lot of
people
who live in
Correct article usage
the countrysides
show examples
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
show examples
are moving to cities and
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
in the cities keeps increasing.
This
phenomenon was revealed as a serious societal problem in the news for a long time and I
also
think
this
is negative for the nation's development.
Firstly
,
people
's lives can become more tough because of the increasing population in the
city
place. The size of the
city
area
is very small compared to the countryside.
However
, as citizens keep coming to the
city
and the population is getting higher, the house prices will go upper and
people
will have a hardship in looking for their living.
For example
, in Korea, many 20's
generation
Correct your spelling
20-year-old
people
are coming to the
city
for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
job but they don't have much money to live in an apartment.
As a result
, they have to live
underground
Change preposition
in underground
show examples
room
Fix the agreement mistake
rooms
show examples
instead
.
Secondly
, if most of the
people
who live in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
move to the
city
,
then
there is no one who helps agriculture work,
such
as planting and harvesting. And
this
will impact very negatively on the food system. Humans need to eat rice and other kinds of food like fish or fruit. But if whole young generations move to the
city
and only old adults are left in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
, the speed and quality of their work will get very bad and it will influence food production. I think the tendency that young
people
want to live in the
city
is very natural.
However
, the reason is the gap between urban
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
and rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
is too big. The quality of education, facilities and services in the
city
is much higher than
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
areas. So in conclusion, if the government try to build more centres for leisure life, make
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
transport system more convenient and make a lot of advantages for living in
rural
Correct article usage
the rural
show examples
side, the moving rate will decrease.
Submitted by starmino0113 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You have addressed the task and provided a clear position on the topic. However, try to develop your ideas more fully with additional examples and explanation. This will strengthen your argument and provide a more comprehensive response to the task.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, make sure to develop paragraphs more evenly. Some points, like the impact on food production, could benefit from more detailed explanation. Transitions between paragraphs can also help the flow of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.
supported main points
The main points of your essay are relevant to the topic and supported with specific examples, such as the situation in Korea. This makes your argument more convincing.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: