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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that all students should study history as a major subject, while others feels that other subjects are important for children in today's society. Discuss both sides and give your opinion .

There is no denying the fact that
history
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 is one of the most important subjects for students.
While
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 some groups argue that
history
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 must be a major subject for all students, there are others who say that other majors are more beneficial for children , particularly in
this
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 era.
This
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 essay will discuss
this
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 topic from both perspectives, and
then
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 I will express my opinion. On the one hand, there is no doubt that the
history
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 subject plays a significant role in children's knowledge , especially information about their
country
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. Some individuals argue that
history
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 should be a mandatory subject in schools.
In other words
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,
history
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 is a cornerstone for any nation, allowing the new generation to respect the sacrifices of older people.
In addition
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, any
country
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 should save its heritage and spread its culture to the new citizens, which helps to brighten the
country
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's future.
For example
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, many governments are keen to save their heritage in the UN and encourage others to explore their culture, which reflects on their economy by bringing more tourists.
On the other hand
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, others argue that there are many subjects which are more important for children , particularly in the digital era. It is
also
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 possible to say that there are many majors ,
such
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 as AI, computer science (CS), and data analysis, that align with the requirements of the current society.
Moreover
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, studying computers has a crucial impact on the economy and society of a
country
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.
For instance
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, A recent study indicated that an employee with computer experience is more likely to advance than one without any experience, and that he has a better impact in the work environment. In conclusion, there is no easy answer to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that both subjects are important,
while
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 Information Technology ,
for instance
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, is more worthy for society.

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grammar
Use short, clear sentences. Break long lines into two or three parts to avoid errors.
content
Add more clear examples that fit the main idea on both sides.
coherence
Use linking words to show steps and compare, such as first, then, but, also.
task
Keep one main idea per paragraph and stay on topic about history vs other subjects.
task
Finish with a clear view: state which side you choose and why.
content
The essay gives two sides and a clear view at the end.
coherence
Sign posts like On the one hand and On the other hand help the reader.
structure
Introduction and conclusion are present.
content
There are good ideas on how history can guard culture and help a nation to grow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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