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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show that percentage of their daily intake of various nutrients the average person in the USA consumes in each meal and in snacks. These nutrients may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarie the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show that percentage of their daily intake of various nutrients the average person in the USA consumes in each meal and in snacks. These nutrients may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarie the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentage #intake #nutrients #person #usa #snacks #summarie #information #features #comparisons
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The graphs illustrate the proportion of four daily meals ( breakfast, lunch,
dinner
 , and snacks)
incloud
Correct your spelling
include
in cloud
differents
Correct your spelling
different
show examples
nutriernts
Correct your spelling
nutrients
 that
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
 individual in the USA
intake
Fix the agreement mistake
intakes
show examples
, and it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
might be unhealthy for them.
Overall
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sodium
 and saturated fat
add
Wrong verb form
are added
show examples
 to breakfast and lunch,
while
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people add sugar
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their snacks. There is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
nearly
Change preposition
of nearly
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of the
sodium
add
Wrong verb form
is added
show examples
 to
dinner
 and only a third
Change preposition
of
show examples
saturated fat
add
Wrong verb form
is added
show examples
 to their
dinner
.
However
, they only add sugar to their
dinner
 by almost a quarter.
Moreover
, in the USA lunch
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the second highest fraction with almost
third
Change the article
a third
show examples
 of
sodium
 and
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
just over
one quarter
Add a hyphen
one-quarter
show examples
 of saturated fat, and only under 20% of it
add
Correct subject-verb agreement
adds
show examples
 sugars.
In addition
, snacks
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 the majority of sugar fraction, and with
minority
Add an article
a minority
the minority
show examples
 of
sodium
 and saturated fat.
moreover
, breakfast has similar proportions around 15% in all of the nutrients.
Submitted by saja.alotaibi on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words dinner, sodium with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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