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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, more and more people are hiring personal fitness trainers, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes What is the reason for this Is this a positive or negative development

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In recent years, the way we used to do physical training has changed completely. Many people around the world often hire a personal fitness
trainer
Use synonyms
 who can train them, and they are reluctant to play games and other physical
group
Use synonyms
 activities. I feel that it is a negative development
due to
Linking Words
 a compelling reason, which I will explain in the forthcoming paragraphs with relevant examples. The main reason that contributes to
this
Linking Words
 trend is the focus and attention that only a professional can provide.
For example
Linking Words
, a gym
trainer
Use synonyms
 can closely observe their client's body postures and correct them if needed, which is impossible
while
Linking Words
 exercising in a
group
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, a gym
trainer
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 often keeps
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
track of
every day
Correct your spelling
everyday
show examples
 goals and pushes the individuals to achieve the same. Owing to
this
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, many people are leaning towards personal training rather than
group
Use synonyms
 classes. In my view,
this
Linking Words
 personal training phenomenon is a negative development as it is limiting the individuals to interact with others.
In other words
Linking Words
, many
group
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 games usually contribute to teamwork as all the players have to work together in order to win a game. Take Cricket
for example
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, in which 11 players play together as a team to win a match.
Such
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 kinds of
group
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 activities are essential for
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
overall
Linking Words
 growth of a person. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
every day
Correct your spelling
everyday
show examples
 goals and close attention are the main benefits that a person can get by appointing a personal
trainer
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of playing
group
Use synonyms
 games, I feel that it is a negative trend as many people may not interact with others, resulting in a loss of essential traits.

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coherence cohesion
To further improve the logical structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. This will help the reader follow the flow of your argument more easily.
task achievement
Enhance the support for your main points by providing more detailed and varied examples. This can help reinforce your arguments and make them more compelling.
task achievement
Try to elaborate slightly more on the opposing viewpoint in your introduction to provide a balanced perspective before presenting your own view. This can enrich your argument and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and concise, effectively setting up the main topic and your stance on it.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples, such as the gym trainer and cricket, which help to illustrate your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance, contributing to overall coherence.
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