The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given map displays a public
park
called Granger
Park
when it was
initially
established in 1920 and how it looks now.
Overall
, the
park
layout has been updated to include contemporary amenities, which have replaced some natural features. Interestingly, the
park
now become more commercial, with numerous improvements in function and access. The
park
’s two entrances on
Eldon
Street
and Arnold Avenue have remained untouched,
whereas
a car
park
and a new entrance have been constructed for car
park
users, situated on the right side of
Eldon
Street
. Once inside the
park
from
Eldon
Street
, the central feature used to be a fountain, which has been redeveloped into a rose garden surrounded by seats. To the right of
Eldon
Street
, a water feature has been developed, taking the place of the previous glasshouse and seats.
Moreover
, the rose garden and an aquatic plants pond, which is located to the left of Arnold Avenue, have been demolished and occupied by a cafe and children’s playground. The
park
’s left side, which previously served as a stage for musicians, now features an amphitheatre. The only unchanged amenity in
this
area is the rose garden that can be seen on the Arnold Avenue side.
Submitted by karelrenaldi8 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a clearer conclusion to encapsulate the changes described.
coherence cohesion
Consider adding transitional phrases to ensure smooth idea flow between different parts of the essay.
task achievement
While you provided specific details and examples, ensure all features are adequately covered without unnecessary repetition.
task achievement
You successfully highlighted the main features and compared their past and present states comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
The description of changes is clear and well-structured, making it easy to follow the developments of the park.

Fully explain your ideas

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alterations
  • renovations
  • modernize
  • upgraded
  • transformed
  • landscaping
  • facilities
  • amenities
  • preservation
  • heritage
  • green spaces
  • eco-friendly
  • public space
  • community impact
  • historical elements
  • conservation
  • recreational areas
  • urban planning
  • sustainable development
  • layout
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