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Writing Samples
Band 7

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a job.On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Disscuss both sides and give your opinion.

There have been numerous discussions about whether obtaining a university degree can secure a
job
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, or if developing soft
skills
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 would be a more effective approach. I believe it all depends on what kind of
job
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 we are talking about and how important it is. In
this
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 essay, I will look at these two polar opinions, share my ideas, and explain them.
Firstly
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, multiple professions require long years of studying and getting an
education
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 before searching for a
job
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.
For example
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, healthcare providers need to learn various subjects and norms and gain knowledge about human bodies and health. A university doctoral degree can help young minds and allow them to use their
education
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 to serve others to build a better society. In
this
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 case, not having a high-profile
education
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 can be dangerous to people who seek professional help. If doctors don't possess enough information on the right treatment for diagnosed diseases, it will create a plethora of issues for everyone involved.
On the other hand
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, for some modern
jobs
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, there is no big necessity for a thorough
education
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, like social media managers. For them, it is more crucial to develop their communication and interpersonal, or even multiple language,
skills
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. An
education
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 will be just a nice addition to these soft
skills
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, which will enhance
overall
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 possibilities for landing a successful
job
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on
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in
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 the online market.
Such
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jobs
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 can be done without a proper
education
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 but with empathy and problem-solving
skills
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. In summary, it is crucial to remember the roles of professions in our modern society.
While
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 there are
jobs
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, like doctors or nurses, that require proper preparation and
education
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, there are certainly other types of
jobs
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, like social media positions, where more communication and interpersonal
skills
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 are needed
for achieving
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to achieve
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 higher-level positions.

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task response
Ensure to provide balanced coverage for both views in the prompt to achieve better task response. In your essay, one view (the necessity of education for healthcare providers) was explained in more detail than the other. Strive to give equal elaboration to both perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Provide a more comprehensive conclusion that reiterates your main points and clearly states your opinion. This will strengthen your essay's overall coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and well-structured, which aids the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
task response
The examples provided for each side (e.g., healthcare providers for the importance of education and social media managers for the importance of soft skills) are relevant and enhance the argument.
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