The US film industry has too much influence on the film industry around the world. Governments have a duty to invest money in their own film industries to protect and develop their cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The dominant
film
industry in the world is
American
. Some
people
see
this
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
a bad thing and think that governments should invest money in their
film
industries to protect and develop their
culture
. I would agree with
this
to an extent
however
I
also
think there are advantages to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
American
films
. The problem with
American
films
is the
culture
there is in them. Many
people
see
American
films
and want to act in the same
way
and look the same as the stars. Many
people
have the same
American
values and
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
wear the same clothes.
This
is a problem because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some traditional values and customs are
losing
Wrong verb form
lost
show examples
in different countries. Sometimes
American
studios make movies about other
countrys
Change noun form
countrys'
country's
show examples
history and they change the stories. That
way
young
people
believe them and forget their real history and
culture
.
For
this
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
some
people
say that governments should invest money in
film
industries in their country.
This
means that
people
can see traditional values and
culture
and not only
American
.
On the other hand
,
American
films
are seen by
people
all over the world. The
film
studios have very much money that they use to make spectacle
films
. The
films
look amazing on screen and
wacthing
Correct your spelling
watching
them is a
way
of
escape
Wrong verb form
escaping
show examples
from your life for a short time.
Furthermore
, many
people
get exposed to English through
American
films
and it can help
people
learn. In conclusion, I think that there are some advantages to Hollywood
films
. They are amazing to see in cinemas and exciting for everybody. But,
films
are a good
way
for keeping
Change preposition
to keep
show examples
culture
and it is good for
people
to see different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
in
films
.
Submitted by drcamt on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide more detailed examples to support your points. This can strengthen your argument and make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence variety to avoid repetition and enhance readability. Using different types of sentences can help to keep the reader engaged.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your position and previews the main points of the essay, which is a strong start.
coherence cohesion
You have logically structured your essay with paragraphs dedicated to specific points, making it easy to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main arguments and restates your position, which helps to provide a cohesive ending.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Americanisation
  • Cultural imperialism
  • Local cinema
  • Cultural diversity
  • Cultural homogenization
  • Film subsidies
  • National identity
  • Artistic expression
  • Blockbusters
  • Cultural preservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: