It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives

In our everyday

lives

people

naturally take a lot of

risks

People

cannot always avoid

risks

even if they want to. Facing the

problem

and dealing with it will be

hard

Add an article

a hard

show examples

process but it gives a lot of advantages to us, so I agree

with

Change preposition

that

show examples

the benefits of taking

risks

outweigh the disadvantages.

First,

the experience of taking difficulties is mandatory for our growth and success. In personal

lives

for example

, when children learn how to ride a bike, getting off

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the bike and digging down to the road is

essential

Add an article

an essential

show examples

process until they make a success for riding a bicycle. Children who don't want to take these

risks

and

afraid

Add a missing verb

are afraid

show examples

of them cannot ride a bicycle

at the end

. So when

people

overcome

fear

Add an article

the fear

a fear

show examples

risks

and try it, they can grow more than

the

Change preposition

in the

show examples

past.

Second,

experiencing hardships can be a motivation or turning point for

people

For instance

, in professional

lives

Add a comma

lives,

show examples

employee can make up their work in

Correct article usage

the

show examples

wrong way and be scolded by their bosses.

Although

workers feel really bad and depressed at the moment,

this

is a chance

that

Correct word choice

for

show examples

they

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

can realize the exact and correct way to solve the

problem

. And they will try not to make

Correct article usage

the

show examples

same mistakes in the future. In conclusion,

people

think taking

risks

is negative for their

lives

but in

real

Replace the word

reality

show examples

, it is totally not. Facing difficulties is

natural

Add an article

a natural

show examples

and essential process in our

lives

and it makes

people

mature.

Also

after getting some tips for how to deal with the

problem

then

people

will try harder not to experience the same

problem

. Going through a lot of hardships is a blessing, not an unluck.

Submitted by starmino0113 on Sun Jul 21 2024

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task achievement

Make sure to clearly state your thesis in the introduction. Although you expressed agreement, specifying which advantages outweigh the disadvantages directly would be more impactful.

task achievement

Try to develop your main points with more comprehensive and detailed supporting examples. For instance, the professional risk example could benefit from further elaboration.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving the clarity and variety of your sentence structures. Use complex and compound sentences to avoid repetition and improve readability.

coherence cohesion

Ensure logical flow and clear connections between paragraphs. Transitional phrases can be used to better link your ideas from one paragraph to the next.

task achievement

Your essay stays on topic and provides relevant points throughout.

task achievement

The examples given make your argument more specific and relatable.

coherence cohesion

The structure of the essay, including introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, is well-organized.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your position.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

279 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Opportunities
Growth
Innovation
Challenges
Self-discovery
Resilience
Uncertainty
Consequences
Calculated risks
Stagnation
Regret
Comfort zone
Entrepreneurship
Adventurous spirit
Thriving
Failure
Mitigate
Reap the rewards

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It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success?

Task 2: In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is yhis? Do you think it is a positive or negative development.

Some people say that the governments should pay for health care and education but others think that this is not the govrnment's reseponsibility. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.