IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Pop music is extremely popular around the world. Why do you think this genre of music is so popular worldwide? Discuss your thoughts and give details and examples to support your opinion.

#pop #music #world #genre #thoughts #support
Nowadays
Pop
music
 is becoming very popular in the world and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pop
music
 flowers growing day by day. Because
pop
music
 gives you the vibe of the
songs
 the peoples feels the song and people get out of their problems
while
 listening to
such
 a type of songsOften people
also
 dance
according to
 the combination of the
songs
. Let me share an instance, My friend does a very stressful job
therefore
 he gets tired but he said when he
Correct subject-verb agreement
listens
show examples
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
show examples
this
 type of
music
 he forgets about the problems and stress in a way he feels very relaxed
also
 he told me
while
 listening
pop
Change preposition
to pop
show examples
songs
 he will able to complete his tasks more efficiently and in less time.But it depends on the person to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
person some people don't like these
songs
 like me when I
listened
Wrong verb form
listen
show examples
 to these types of
songs
 it gives me
headache
Add an article
a headache
show examples
 and I feel uncomfortable.
Submitted by shahroz99dev on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Develop a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your essay. This will help provide structure and make your argument more coherent.
coherence
Ensure that your ideas are organized logically and connected smoothly. Use transition words, such as 'therefore,' 'however,' and 'for example,' to enhance coherence.
development
Provide more detailed and varied examples to support your main points. This will help strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
example
You provided a relevant example from personal experience, which helps illustrate your point.
task response
The essay addresses the topic and attempts to answer the question about why pop music is popular worldwide.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: