IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Pop music is extremely popular around the world. Why do you think this genre of music is so popular worldwide? Discuss your thoughts and give details and examples to support your opinion.

#pop #music #world #genre #thoughts #support
Nowadays
Pop
music
 is becoming very popular in the world and
pop
music
 flowers growing day by day. Because
pop
music
 gives you the vibe of the
songs
 the peoples feels the song and people get out of their problems
while
 listening to
such
 a type of songsOften people
also
 dance
according to
 the combination of the
songs
. Let me share an instance, My friend does a very stressful job
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
 he gets tired but he said when he
listen
Change the verb form
listens
show examples
 to
this
 type of
music
 he forgets about the problems and stress in a way he feels very relaxed
also
 he told me
while
 listening to
pop
songs
 he will able to complete his tasks more efficiently and in less time.But it depends on the person to
Correct article usage
the
show examples
person some people don't like these
songs
 like me when I listen to these types of
songs
 it gives me a headache and I feel uncomfortable.
Submitted by shahroz99dev on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay discusses why pop music is popular worldwide and provides an example to illustrate your point. However, the response could be enriched with additional reasons and more varied examples. For instance, you might discuss how pop music often reflects modern culture and trends, or how social media and globalization contribute to its popularity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential for framing your ideas and summarizing your points. Try to start with a brief introduction that outlines your main points, and end with a conclusion that summarizes your arguments and reinforces your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas could be better organized. Try to use paragraphs for different points, and employ transition words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will help your reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Watch for grammatical errors and improve sentence structures. For example, 'pop music flowers growing day by day' should be 'pop music's popularity is growing day by day.' Proofreading can catch these small but significant errors.
task achievement
The example provided about your friend offers a personal touch and helps illustrate your point about the stress-relieving benefits of pop music.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: