IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think all lawbreakers should be sent to prison, while others think there are better alternatives for those whose crimes are minor, such as making them do work for the local community. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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The majority of the public argued that if a person had illegal activities in society, he should transferred to jail.
However
Linking Words
, I agree with those who believe that it would be better to implement other substitute ways
instead
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 of sending
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 jail if the
crimes
Use synonyms
 were not too major. On the one hand, selecting prisons as a punishment is a very ancient way of penalizing those who break the lowes. Supporters of sending wrongdoers to dungeons claim that it would be one of the best ways
for punishing
Change preposition
to punish
show examples
 if sinners became deprived of seeing their family and social communication. I concede that limiting communication and being far away from family has a direct impact and
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 a way to prevent
crimes
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, by choosing prison as a
last
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 way even for little
crimes
Use synonyms
, one disaster may
occrued
Correct your spelling
occur
accrued
. Since the atmosphere of jails
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not positive at all.Being arrested in jail not only may cause other major and dangerous
crimes
Use synonyms
due to
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 the atmosphere but
also
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 is not a useful solution any more. I wholeheartedly believe that assigning social responsibilities to those who do little crime would be better either for the public or
lowbreakers
Correct your spelling
lawbreakers
. With
this
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 approach,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 plethora of activities in society will be done
such
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 as doing something for far and untouched villages. Apart from that,sinners have a chance to think about what they do and try to compensate.
Furthermore
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, the greatest benefit would be not to experience jails. In conclusion,
although
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 advocates of prisons argue that jails are the best and the
last
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 solution for any
crimes
Use synonyms
,I believe that
instead
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 of dungeons, doing social activities
such
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 as helping deprived areas can be useful not only for wrongdoers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
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 for the public.

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relevant specific examples
Your essay should include more specific examples to support your points. Currently, your arguments are a bit general, and providing specific instances or hypothetical scenarios could strengthen your essay.
logical structure
Make sure to separate ideas into paragraphs clearly. Each paragraph should have one main idea supported by relevant details. This improves readability and ensures that your arguments are easy to follow.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your discussion well.
complete response
You have presented both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced viewpoint.
clear comprehensive ideas
The language you used is generally clear and your main points are comprehensible.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • lawbreakers
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitation
  • community service
  • recidivism
  • incarceration
  • public safety
  • cost-effectiveness
  • infraction
  • reintegration
  • punitive measures
  • reoffending
  • stigmatization
  • educational programs
  • counseling programs
  • alternative approaches
  • societal benefits
  • burden on taxpayers
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