IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Describe the contributions of both Artists and Scientists in order to boost the tourism industy ?

#contributions #artists #scientists #tourism #industy
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The
artists
Change to a genitive case
artist's
artists'
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 efforts enhance the tourism industry because the Artists
performs
Correct subject-verb agreement
perform
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 in
different
Correct word choice
apply
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different places ,so after listening to them people like to travel and explore
such
the
Correct article usage
apply
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places.
On the other hand
scientists
Change noun form
scientists'
scientist's
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 contribution is
make
Fix the infinitive
to make
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 the technology which makes
this
 tour easy and comfortable
for example
 Aeroplanes ,cars and other appliances
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 to travel.In
this
way
Add a comma
way,
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 both enhance the tourism industry.
Submitted by shahroz99dev on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is on the right track, but it could be improved with a clearer structure. For example, introduce your main points in the first paragraph and provide a conclusion at the end.
task achievement
You would benefit from providing more specific examples to support your points. Instead of saying 'different different places,' you could name specific places where artists perform.
task achievement
Your response covers both artists and scientists, which is good, but more detail is needed to fully answer the prompt. Elaborate more on how these contributions impact tourism.
task achievement
You successfully address the contributions of both artists and scientists, staying on topic throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your writing is clear and easy to understand, which is great for coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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