IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework and households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework and households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #changes #ownership #appliances #amount #time #housework #households #country #information #features #comparisons
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The charts illustrate the interchange in ownership of electrical gadgets
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
washing
Use synonyms
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
,
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 and a
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner and
length
Correct article usage
the length
show examples
 of time used performing house jobs and households in a single nation in the years from 1920 to 2019. All three electrical appliances began in 1920  with a rise and continued steadily up until the end with a constant
percentage
Use synonyms
.
Washing
Add an article
The washing
show examples
machine
Use synonyms
 was the highest from the start and ended up being at the bottom. 
Use synonyms
Refrigerator
Correct article usage
The refrigerator
show examples
 began by being the least and ended
being
Change preposition
up being
show examples
 at the top
together with
Linking Words
 the
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner. Hours from the start were high and decreased till the end.  In 1920 all household gadgets had an increase from the start, with the
refrigerator
Use synonyms
began
Wrong verb form
beginning
show examples
 at 0%,
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner was second
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 30% and the highest was the washing
machine
Use synonyms
 at 40%.
While
Linking Words
 they all continue to rise in
percentage
Use synonyms
, the washing
machine
Use synonyms
 had a slight drop in 1980
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 it had a
percentage
Use synonyms
 of almost 62.  It picked up till tear 2019 where it
finally
Linking Words
 ended at around 72%. The
refrigerator
Use synonyms
 and
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner ended up being
ties
Wrong verb form
tied
show examples
 with a constant
percentage
Use synonyms
 of 100% till the end of 2019.  The hours used per week were 50 in 1920 and continued to fall till 1980
where
Correct word choice
when
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 they were about 15.  They
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 constant till 2000 and
Linking Words
finally
Add a comma
finally,
show examples
 in 2019 they slightly dropped again to 10 hours per week.
Submitted by pncubeterera on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words machine, refrigerator, vacuum, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership of electrical appliances
  • steadily increased
  • dramatically decreased
  • correlating the rise
  • became common
  • households
  • prevalence
  • technological advancements
  • increased affordability
  • household chores
  • labor-saving devices
  • allocated for housework
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