Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purpose of museums is to educate. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There is an ongoing debate involving the purpose of
museums
. While
some people
think museums
are a place that
everyone can enjoy themselves, I believe the primary purpose of Correct word choice
where
museums
should be education.
On the one hand, some people
think museums
are places entertaining visitors
because they are viewed as the primary local attractions by visitors
. Local museums
will hold a lot of activities or exhibitions to attract more tourists. For example
, the Chinese Science Museum
often holds interesting experiments, attracting children and their parents to playing
. Wrong verb form
play
While
museum
provide Fix the agreement mistake
museums
visitors
with enjoyable experience
by holding fascinating events, the main purpose of Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
museums
is to encourage people
to learn more about history and science. For instance
, the employee of museums
teaches chemical knowledge
to students
by showing the element exhibits
. As a result
, students
will be attracted by exhibits
and deeply understand relevant knowledge
.
On the other hand
, museums
primarily play a
important role in education. Change the article
an
Firstly
, museums
can help students
comprehensively understand the relevant knowledge
because the exhibits
in museums
can help student
visualize their Add an article
the student
knowledge
. For example
, student
know dinosaurs are big from textbooks, but they do not know how big they are in real life. Fix the agreement mistake
students
As a result
, the fossils in museum
can present the real size of dinosaurs for them. Fix the agreement mistake
museums
Furthermore
, museum
is a primary channel to promote local history and culture by showing relevant Add an article
the museum
exhibits
to the public. Many museums
often hires
professional guides to describe the background story about Change the verb form
hire
exhibits
, supporting visitors
to deeply understand local history and culture.
In conclusion, while
museums
entertains
Change the verb form
entertain
people
by holding a lot of interesting activities, I think that museums
primarily aim to educate, such
as educating students
and culture promotion.Submitted by dingjc867328784 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer organization and transition between ideas. Try to make the structure more apparent by summarizing the main points at the beginning and end of the essay. Additionally, work on refining paragraph transitions to enhance the flow of ideas.
Task Response
Although you make relevant points, your arguments would be stronger with more detailed examples and clearer elaboration. Ensure all examples are directly tied to the point you're making.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider rechecking your language usage and sentence structure. There are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings that may detract from the overall clarity of your essay.
Task Response
Your essay addresses both views on the purpose of museums and gives a clear personal opinion, fulfilling the task requirement well.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay and reinforces your opinion, which helps to frame the discussion coherently.
Task Response
You provide examples that are relevant to your arguments, which helps to illustrate your points.
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