The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
The position of
women
in society has indeed changed significantly over the past two decades, with an increasing number of married women
joining the workforce. This
shift has sparked a debate about its impact on young people, particularly concerning issues like juvenile delinquency
. While
some argue that the absence of mothers
at home contributes to these problems, I believe this
viewpoint is overly simplistic and does not consider other important factors.
Firstly
, attributing juvenile delinquency
solely to the employment of married women
overlooks the multifaceted nature of this
issue. In fact, juvenile delinquency
can result from various factors such
as socioeconomic conditions, peer influence, lack of educational opportunities, and inadequate social support systems. Besides
, it is essential to recognize that not all families where mothers
work experience problems with delinquency
, indicating that other elements play a crucial role.
Moreover
, working mothers
can have a positive influence on their children
. In other words
, employed women
often contribute significantly to the family's financial stability, which can enhance the overall
quality of life and provide better opportunities for their children
. Additionally
, working mothers
serve as role models, demonstrating the importance of hard work, independence, and balancing multiple responsibilities.
Furthermore
, the idea that children
suffer due to
the absence of their mothers
at home underestimates the role of fathers and other caregivers. To be more precise, in modern society, parenting is increasingly seen as a shared responsibility. Therefore
, fathers are more involved in child-rearing than ever before, and many families rely on their extended family members, such
as grandparents, or professional childcare services to support their children
's development. As a result
, this
collective approach to childcare can mitigate the potential negative effects of both parents working.
In conclusion, while
the rise in the number of working women
is a notable societal change, it is not the primary cause of juvenile delinquency
. This
complex issue must be addressed by considering a range of factors, including economic, social, and educational influences. Thus
, I disagree with the opinion that the employment of women
is a key driver of young people's problems today.Submitted by Nastaran_zandy on
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task achievement
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coherence cohesion
Your essay flows logically and your argument is easy to follow. However, ensure that all paragraphs are well-developed and transitions are smooth to enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Although the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, consider reinforcing your final message with a stronger closing sentence to leave a lasting impression.
task achievement
You have provided a comprehensive response to the prompt by addressing the complexity of the issue and presenting a balanced viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported with clear arguments, demonstrating a thorough understanding of the topic.