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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the income and jobs generated last year by tourism in Canadian states and territories. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the income and jobs generated last year by tourism in Canadian states and territories. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#income #jobs #year #tourism #canadian #states #territories #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The table shows that organization income changes from all
businesses
Use synonyms
 and
businesss
Correct your spelling
business
businesses
 in the
tourism
Use synonyms
 industry between 2019 and 2020. In 2020, we can see that the
majorty
Correct your spelling
majority
 of firms and
Use synonyms
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
show examples
 sector had
profit
Correct article usage
a profit
show examples
 loss. Especially, there was a dramatic decrease in
Use synonyms
tourism
Add an article
the tourism
show examples
 industry. When will look
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the details, almost half of the
tourism
Use synonyms
businesses
Use synonyms
 dropped
more
Change preposition
by more
show examples
 than 40% in 2020, and
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 20% of the
businesses
Use synonyms
 increased
more
Change preposition
by more
show examples
 than 40% as well.
Also
Linking Words
, nearly 40%
all
Change preposition
of all
show examples
 organizations and
Use synonyms
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
show examples
 industry reported revenue loss between 1% to 40%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there was a small
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of the
businesses
Use synonyms
 and firms in the
tourism
Use synonyms
 sector had no changes. around 17% of all
businesses
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 had an increase in revenue,
Only
Correct word choice
and Only
show examples
 7% of the
tourism
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 industries
raised
Verb problem
increased
show examples
. In
conculsion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, most of the
businesses
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 had profit lost in 2020, including
visitor
Correct article usage
the visitor
show examples
 sector. A small number of organizations had an increase in 2020.
Submitted by canondu0828 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words businesses, tourism with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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