TD: Some modern artists receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while others struggle to survive. Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Making money by
art
seems to be one interesting way that may attract the majority of people.
While
certain
artists
can earn a large amount of money through their
art
and others are not able to do so,I think the
government
should intervene effectively to manage these negative level differences. On the one hand, I concede that several craftsmen put their effort into producing valuable artwork and they may spend too much cash on their equipment. Apart from that, there are various workshops in which a new version of
art
, especially for painting, is taught in them.
This
training not only is costly but
also
is not accessible readily.
For example
, if a talented artist lived in a deprived village, he would not have an opportunity to take up these classes and
thus
, his creatures never become pricy and famous.
This
issue may cause reluctance and frustration for the sensitive spirits of
artists
. Authorities in each society could be responsible for bringing fair situations for competition and
artists
are no exception. The
government
ought to implement some strategies so that even the most untouched areas can benefit from training classes , especially for
artists
. Since most of them do not have regular salary and all their lives depend on their hard-earned earning from their
art
.
For example
, the
government
can suggest to
art
universities to identify students who are interested in working in remote villages and ask them to go there with a regular salary
that is
allocated to them. In conclusion,
although
several
artists
benefit from their creations with huge amounts of money and some of them can not, I believe that the
government
plays an important role by setting training classes with volunteer students who want to be trainers in deprived areas with satisfying salaries.
Submitted by Maral.qanbarii1992 on

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task achievement
Consider adding some concrete examples to illustrate the points further. For instance, mentioning specific initiatives or programs that could help bridge the gap for artists in deprived areas would strengthen the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows logically into the next. Transitional phrases and connecting sentences can help improve the overall coherence.
task achievement
Further develop the discussions in each paragraph to provide more comprehensive ideas. This will help present a fuller response to the task.
introduction and conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and presents a clear stance.
introduction and conclusion present
The essay concludes with a solid restatement of the main points, reinforcing the overall argument.
supported main points
Examples related to accessibility and the impact of government intervention are relevant to the topic and add depth to the argument.
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