IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The main aim of science should be to improve the people's lives . To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
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These days ,
science
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 has become a crucial segment of our lives . Some
people
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 assume that the core objective of technology should be to better the individual's lives,
while
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 some
people
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 argue against it . I totally agree with the former idea and In
this
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 essay , I will support my opinion with examples .
Firstly
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,
science
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 enlarged the average life span of
people
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.In recent years,seven out of eight babies died before reaching their first birthday but now with the advancement in the medical field ailments can be easily controlled .
For instance
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,in 2022, American laboratories discovered the COVID-19 vaccine which secured the lives of numerous
people
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 across the world.
Furthermore
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, transportation has become more convenient
due to
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 technological innovations.
For example
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,
last
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 year in India , NASA inaugurated the automatic driverless train to make the souls of
people
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 too much comfortable .
Moreover
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,It reduced the travel time and connected several stations from Delhi to Hyderabad .The launch of
this
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 train has benefited millions of population who
otherwise
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 travel by bus or other transport means .
Conversely
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 , excessive use of internet makes the children addicted and unhealthy . Offsprings spend most of their time on smartphones and other appliances . They do not study properly .
Additionally
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, they watch video games , movies , cartoons and other entertaining activities which weaken their eyesight and
also
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 they get tired
as a result
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 they become ill. In conclusion, the main motive of
science
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 should be to provide
public
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the public
show examples
 with modern facilities. I personally believe that
science
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 should make more innovations for the development of humans .
Submitted by mianraza686 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more balanced arguments for and against the statement to give a well-rounded discussion.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are directly relevant and clearly support your main ideas.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical connections between sentences and paragraphs to improve flow.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structures to enhance your writing. Be careful with word choice and placement.
task achievement
You clearly stated your position and supported it with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, fulfilling the structural requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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