There is no doubt that globalisation has benefited the world by bringing together people, business and nations. People who criticise it stand in the way of progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Globalisation has caused major changes in our world in many ways. The largest of these is how we make business and
this
has had a large impact in many countries
. For some
Add a comma
some,
this
has been mostly positive. However
, I believe there are two sides to the changes.
Nowadays it is much easier for countries
to do business with them. This
has resulted in a wider range of services and products being available in nearly every country with many countries
benefitting a great deal. For example
, in China, where many products are made in
, the economy has grown Change preposition
apply
up
enormously with a consequent rise in living standards.
Change preposition
apply
However
, there are also
problems with this
grow
in international business. Possibly the biggest is Replace the word
growth
that is
now much easier for companies to relocate. In other words
, a company can now move its factory to another country it will be cheaper to produce the goods. This
is a big problem for manufacturing workers in countries
in which it is more expensive to produce goods and has generally meant that people do not have safe employment.
Another drawback is do all countries
benefit in the same way. Some countries
find that they are stuck in industries where there is only cheap labour in
. Even in Rephrase
apply
countries
that have improved like china
, workers find themselves struggling to move from manufacturing jobs to Capitalize word
China
better
Correct your spelling
better-paid
paid
service-based industries.
Verb problem
apply
To conclude
, it is clear that
the modern globalised world is now very different to the past. Many people have seen a rise in living standards because of this
. However
, others may feel less secure or stuck at the same level.Submitted by drcamt on
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Coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has one clear main idea and that all sentences within it support that idea. For example, your second paragraph is slightly confusing because of the phrase 'do business with them'. This could be more clearly stated for better readability.
Cohesion
Try to use a more varied range of linking words and phrases to improve cohesion. While your ideas are logically ordered, the essay would benefit from more fluid transitions.
Task Achievement
You need to elaborate on your main points to provide a more in-depth argument. For example, in the second paragraph, explain more clearly how the rise in living standards in China is specifically connected to globalisation.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples more effectively to support your points. The example about China's economy could be strengthened by mentioning specific industries or companies.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the topic comprehensively, discussing both the positive and negative aspects of globalisation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarises the main points and provides a thoughtful final perspective on the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a logical flow of ideas, and paragraphs are well-structured overall.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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