Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep?

Sleep deprivation has
became
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become
show examples
a common disorder
which
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that which
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young generation experienced lately. Unhealthy daily
habit
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habits
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and extreme mental pressure could be the cause of
this
phenomenon.
This
essay will discuss what
issue
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issues
show examples
could arise if people continuously
having
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have
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insomnia and what the solutions for that
.
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are.
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There are several health risks following sleep deprivation. The risks
divide
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are divided
show examples
into 2
symptoms
, common/
short term
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short-term
show examples
symptom
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symptoms
show examples
and severe
one
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ones
show examples
. The
short term
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short-term
show examples
symptom
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symptoms
show examples
include fatigue, headaches, irritability, trouble
focus
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focusing
show examples
, and even slow reaction
time
. These
symptoms
would not harm our health directly,
hence
would affect
moreover
disturb our daily life greatly.
Whereas the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
severe
symptoms
has
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have
show examples
stronger
effect
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effects
show examples
,
such
as microsleep, trouble speaking clearly, hand
tremor
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tremors
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, reckless behavior, and the most dangerous
is
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apply
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visual and tactile hallucination. The combination of all those
symptoms
will cloud our thinking and judgment
then
eventually lead to another serious mental health problem,
for
example
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example,
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anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and many others.
Therefore
, it is crucial to keep
tracking
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track
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on
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of
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how much we sleep.
For having
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To have
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enough
time
to sleep, we have to shift our routine. Abandon unhealthy
late night
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late-night
show examples
activity
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activities
show examples
such
as gaming or other unnecessary activities. Set a fixed
time
to sleep at night and
awake
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wake
show examples
in
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apply
show examples
the next morning, the ideal sleeping period for
adult
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an adult
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is around 6 - 8 hours. At the same
time
,
also
fix our daily
habit
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habits
show examples
such
as
eat
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eating
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more
balance
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balanced
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food and
doing exercise
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exercising
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regularly. These habits will build up a strong and peaceful mind to help
we
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us
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sleep in a better quality at night.
At
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In
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the end, sleep deprivation could be treated by doing
healthy
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a healthy
show examples
daily routine.
Hence
if the
symptoms
continue severely
then
immediately call for
professional's
Correct article usage
a professional's
show examples
help and take medication if needed.
Submitted by annisaseptidwiyanti on

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task achievement
The essay generally addresses the task prompt effectively and provides a complete response. However, try to include more specific examples to better illustrate the points made.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, ensure logical transitions between ideas to improve the overall flow. For example, the transition between short-term and severe symptoms can be made smoother.
coherence cohesion
Some grammatical errors and awkward phrases are present that could be refined for higher clarity. For instance, "Sleep deprivation has became" should be "Sleep deprivation has become," and "help we sleep" should be "help us sleep." These minor corrections can boost readability.
introduction conclusion present
The essay's introduction clearly identifies the problem and sets up the discussion effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion provides a concise summary and offers a solution, which strengthens the essay's cohesiveness.
supported main points
The essay addresses multiple aspects of sleep deprivation, including both the short-term and severe symptoms.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Insomnia
  • Sleep deprivation
  • Sleep disorders
  • Sleep quality
  • Fatigue
  • Exhaustion
  • Restless
  • Restorative sleep
  • REM sleep
  • Circadian rhythm
  • Sleep hygiene
  • Napping
  • Sleep duration
  • Melatonin
  • Sleep-inducing
  • Drowsiness
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Obstructive sleep apnea
  • Snoring
  • Sleepwalking
  • Sleep talking
  • Shift work
  • Sleeping pills
  • Sleep aid
  • Relaxation techniques
  • Meditation
  • Deep breathing
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