When children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development than their parent. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

School
is where the formal education for
children
begin
Change the verb form
begins
show examples
, whether it is about formal
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
such
as advancing their intellectual ability or informal
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
including social and communication development. Some people argue that teachers have more impact on the advancement of young students
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
to the family at home.
This
essay
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
discuss to what extent the
school’s
educators
Add a missing verb
are reponsible
show examples
reponsible
Correct your spelling
responsible
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
enhancing their pupils and what role of the
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
in terms of their child’s education. It is for certain,
common
Correct word choice
that common
show examples
families would send their offspring to educational
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
show examples
such
as
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
when they
reached
Wrong verb form
reach
show examples
a certain age period. After that, many of the minors would spend their days inside the classroom at
school
to learn from their teachers.
Therefore
it is crucial for
teacher
Add an article
a teacher
the teacher
show examples
to evolve their academic
sylabus
Correct your spelling
syllabus
.
School’s
Change noun form
School
show examples
lecturer
Fix the agreement mistake
lecturers
show examples
should teach them about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
basic knowledge, proper social communication, how to socially blend
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
society and many other.
Thus
, the role of the
teacher
for the
children
is very fundamental.
However
, the weight of education
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
not fall only to the lecturer at
school
. The kid’s
guardian
Add a verb
guardian is
guardian was
show examples
also
responsible
to guide
Change preposition
for guiding
show examples
and
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
show examples
the intellectual and social skills of their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
.
Furthermore
, minors usually respect their parents more than the
teacher
,
thus
it will be easier to strictly rule
these young generation
Change the determiner
this young generation
these young generations
show examples
at home. Other than that,
children
and their
guardian
Fix the agreement mistake
guardians
show examples
must have a biological affection that
school’s
Change noun form
school
show examples
educator
Fix the agreement mistake
educators
show examples
do not have with their students.
Consequently
, the material
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
taught by the parent would be more practical and easy to remember by the
children
during their lifetime. In conclusion, it is true that
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
hold an important position in educating the young generation. Despite that, the
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
show examples
for advancing the talent of the minors would
Add a missing verb
be outweighted
show examples
outweighted
Correct your spelling
outweighed
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
their parents
instead
of their
school’s
lecturer.
Submitted by annisaseptidwiyanti on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Work on grammatical accuracy and pay attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and other grammatical rules to avoid small inaccuracies.
task achievement
Develop each main point more fully with specific and relevant examples to illustrate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion structure, which helps in understanding the main argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the role of teachers and parents in the education and social development of children, providing a balanced view.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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