The world today is a safer place than it was a hundred years ago, and government should stop spending large amount of money on their armed forces . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Globally, cases of insecurity have diminished and the state should divert the expenditure used on the armed forces to other essential activities. In
this
essay, I will explain my reasons and give my opinion as well. First and foremost, many roads were built without putting the issue of traffic into consideration. Most cities today
is
Change the verb form
are
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experiencing high traffic
due to
the rise of personal vehicles which many people prefer
due to
convenience.
As a result
, the roads are congested and delays are experienced a lot. The government should think of spending on transport
infrastracture
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
to expand the highways
as well as
improve other means of transport
such
as trains by use of funds set to fight insecurities.
Additionally
, many hospitals do not have adequate tools for work which include medicine and staffing. The government can
priotize
Correct your spelling
prioritise
its revenue to cater for
such
cases since they are essential in our daily life,
for instance
, a study done in the USA by students at Florida University showed that 75 per cent of the hospitals had
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
show examples
of skilled labour and
this
led to
low quality
Add a hyphen
low-quality
show examples
services offered because the few workers will experience
helath
Correct your spelling
health
problems caused by work-related fatigue.
However
, despite the issue of insecurity being unpredictable,
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
it can not be ignored. The law breakers
knows
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know
show examples
and
plans
Correct subject-verb agreement
plan
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when to attack so despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the government improving other amenities, it can
also
set some funds for
emergency
Fix the agreement mistake
emergencies
show examples
in case an attack occurs.
For example
, the state of Qatar announced that it has set a huge amount of money to use
incase
Correct your spelling
in case
show examples
a war or any form of insecurity happens. In conclusion, I strongly believe that since the level of safety has improved by large in the world, we use the money to improve transport and health
ammenities
Correct your spelling
amenities
.
This
will not only be of help to the state but
also
to the citizens.
Submitted by janenjeru6 on

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coherence
Your essay needs to have clear, coherent arguments. While you have provided relevant points, the structure of each paragraph could be improved. For example, your first body paragraph seems to discuss road infrastructure and hospital conditions simultaneously. It would be better to separate these into distinct paragraphs to enhance readability and coherence.
coherence
Try to maintain consistency in tense and expression. For instance, in the phrase 'we it can not be ignored,' there is a grammatical lapse. Such errors can distract the reader and diminish the essay's overall impact.
task achievement
While you provide relevant examples, they need to be more smoothly integrated into your arguments. The example about the study done in the USA should be linked more directly to your main point to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed the task by discussing how governments could reallocate their military expenditures towards other essential services such as transport infrastructure and healthcare.
task achievement
You have discussed both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach and adds depth to your essay.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological advancements
  • cybersecurity
  • surveillance
  • defense mechanisms
  • diplomatic relations
  • global organizations
  • United Nations (UN)
  • NATO
  • peace treaties
  • socioeconomic development
  • military expenditure
  • humanitarian outcomes
  • non-violent conflict resolution
  • historical perspective
  • counter-terrorism
  • internal security
  • traditional military expenditure
  • ethical argument
  • allocate funds
  • infrastructure
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