The world today is a safer place than it was a hundred years ago, and government should stop spending large amount of money on their armed forces . To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Globally, cases of insecurity have diminished and the state should divert the expenditure used on the armed forces to other essential activities. In
this
essay, I will explain my reasons and give my opinion as well.
First and foremost, many roads were built without putting the issue of traffic into consideration. Most cities today is
experiencing high traffic Change the verb form
are
due to
the rise of personal vehicles which many people prefer due to
convenience. As a result
, the roads are congested and delays are experienced a lot. The government should think of spending on transport infrastracture
to expand the highways Correct your spelling
infrastructure
as well as
improve other means of transport such
as trains by use of funds set to fight insecurities. Additionally
, many hospitals do not have adequate tools for work which include medicine and staffing. The government can priotize
its revenue to cater for Correct your spelling
prioritise
such
cases since they are essential in our daily life, for instance
, a study done in the USA by students at Florida University showed that 75 per cent of the hospitals had shortage
of skilled labour and Add an article
a shortage
this
led to low quality
services offered because the few workers will experience Add a hyphen
low-quality
helath
problems caused by work-related fatigue.
Correct your spelling
health
However
, despite the issue of insecurity being unpredictable, we
it can not be ignored. The law breakers Correct pronoun usage
apply
knows
and Change the verb form
know
plans
when to attack so despite Correct subject-verb agreement
plan
of
the government improving other amenities, it can Change preposition
apply
also
set some funds for emergency
in case an attack occurs. Fix the agreement mistake
emergencies
For example
, the state of Qatar announced that it has set a huge amount of money to use incase
a war or any form of insecurity happens.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that since the level of safety has improved by large in the world, we use the money to improve transport and health Correct your spelling
in case
ammenities
. Correct your spelling
amenities
This
will not only be of help to the state but also
to the citizens.Submitted by janenjeru6 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence
Your essay needs to have clear, coherent arguments. While you have provided relevant points, the structure of each paragraph could be improved. For example, your first body paragraph seems to discuss road infrastructure and hospital conditions simultaneously. It would be better to separate these into distinct paragraphs to enhance readability and coherence.
coherence
Try to maintain consistency in tense and expression. For instance, in the phrase 'we it can not be ignored,' there is a grammatical lapse. Such errors can distract the reader and diminish the essay's overall impact.
task achievement
While you provide relevant examples, they need to be more smoothly integrated into your arguments. The example about the study done in the USA should be linked more directly to your main point to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed the task by discussing how governments could reallocate their military expenditures towards other essential services such as transport infrastructure and healthcare.
task achievement
You have discussed both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach and adds depth to your essay.