The world today is a safer place than it was a hundred years ago, and government should stop spending large amount of money on their armed forces . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Globally, cases of insecurity have diminished and the state should divert the expenditure used on the armed forces to other essential activities. In

this

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essay, I will explain my reasons and give my opinion as well. First and foremost, many roads were built without putting the issue of traffic into consideration. Most cities today

Change the verb form

are

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experiencing high traffic

due to

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the rise of personal vehicles which many people prefer

due to

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convenience.

As a result

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, the roads are congested and delays are experienced a lot. The government should think of spending on transport

infrastracture

Correct your spelling

infrastructure

to expand the highways

as well as

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improve other means of transport

such

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as trains by use of funds set to fight insecurities.

Additionally

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, many hospitals do not have adequate tools for work which include medicine and staffing. The government can

priotize

Correct your spelling

prioritise

its revenue to cater for

such

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cases since they are essential in our daily life,

for instance

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, a study done in the USA by students at Florida University showed that 75 per cent of the hospitals had

shortage

Add an article

a shortage

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of skilled labour and

this

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led to

low quality

Add a hyphen

low-quality

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services offered because the few workers will experience

helath

Correct your spelling

health

problems caused by work-related fatigue.

However

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, despite the issue of insecurity being unpredictable,

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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it can not be ignored. The law breakers

knows

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know

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and

plans

Correct subject-verb agreement

plan

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when to attack so despite

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apply

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the government improving other amenities, it can

also

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set some funds for

emergency

Fix the agreement mistake

emergencies

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in case an attack occurs.

For example

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, the state of Qatar announced that it has set a huge amount of money to use

incase

Correct your spelling

in case

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a war or any form of insecurity happens. In conclusion, I strongly believe that since the level of safety has improved by large in the world, we use the money to improve transport and health

ammenities

Correct your spelling

amenities

This

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will not only be of help to the state but

also

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to the citizens.

janenjeru6Tue Jul 23 2024

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coherence

Your essay needs to have clear, coherent arguments. While you have provided relevant points, the structure of each paragraph could be improved. For example, your first body paragraph seems to discuss road infrastructure and hospital conditions simultaneously. It would be better to separate these into distinct paragraphs to enhance readability and coherence.

coherence

Try to maintain consistency in tense and expression. For instance, in the phrase 'we it can not be ignored,' there is a grammatical lapse. Such errors can distract the reader and diminish the essay's overall impact.

task achievement

While you provide relevant examples, they need to be more smoothly integrated into your arguments. The example about the study done in the USA should be linked more directly to your main point to strengthen your argument.

task achievement

You have successfully addressed the task by discussing how governments could reallocate their military expenditures towards other essential services such as transport infrastructure and healthcare.

task achievement

You have discussed both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach and adds depth to your essay.

10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

311 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

technological advancements
cybersecurity
surveillance
defense mechanisms
diplomatic relations
global organizations
United Nations (UN)
NATO
peace treaties
socioeconomic development
military expenditure
humanitarian outcomes
non-violent conflict resolution
historical perspective
counter-terrorism
internal security
traditional military expenditure
ethical argument
allocate funds
infrastructure

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The world today is a safer place than it was a hundred years ago, and government should stop spending large amount of money on their armed forces . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A Australian friend recently sent you a present by post. You want to thank him/her. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter -say how you felt when you received the present -describe what you like about it -explain how you will use the present

Many people nowadays don't feel safe either when they are at home or go out. What are the reasons? What can we do to solve this problem?

Some people think seondary school students should study international news as one their subjects, while others believe that this is a waste of valuable school time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The population in most cities is growing as people move to cities to find work and new opportunities. What problem does overpopulation in the cities cause? How can these problems be solved?