Your college has a considerable amount of money to spend on improving your school security. You've been asked to write a report for the director saying whether the money should be spent on more security guards or sophosticated equipment.

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Allocation of funds for college
security
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improvement Introduction In light of the recent allocation of significant funds aimed at enhancing our school's
security
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, it is imperative to assess the most effective means of utilizing these resources. The two primary options are increasing the number of
security
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guards
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or investing in sophisticated
equipment
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.
This
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report aims to evaluate both alternatives to determine the optimal approach. Advantages
Firstly
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, the employment of additional
security
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guards
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provides a visible and immediate deterrent to potential intruders. Their presence can quickly address any incidents and offer a sense of safety to students and staff.
On the other hand
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, sophisticated
security
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equipment
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,
such
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as
security
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cameras, biometric access systems, and alarm systems, offers continuous monitoring and recording capabilities, enhancing
overall
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surveillance. These technologies can
also
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cover larger areas more efficiently than human personnel. Disadvantages
However
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, relying heavily on
security
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guards
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can be cost-intensive in the long term
due to
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salaries, training, and benefits.
Furthermore
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, human error and limitations in coverage during off-peak hours are notable drawbacks.
Conversely
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,
while
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advanced
equipment
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might have high initial costs, maintenance and potential technological obsolescence pose significant challenges.
Moreover
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, these systems require technical expertise for operation and upkeep, which could incur additional expenses. Recommendations I would
therefore
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recommend a balanced approach that combines both increased
security
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personnel and the integration of modern
security
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technologies.
This
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hybrid strategy ensures that
while
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the presence of
guards
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addresses immediate
security
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concerns, advanced
equipment
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offers comprehensive and continuous monitoring.
Additionally
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, investing in training programs for
security
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staff to proficiently use new technologies can maximize the effectiveness of our
security
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measures, ensuring a safe and secure environment for our school community.
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task achievement
The essay could benefit from more specific examples or statistics to support the points made about the advantages and disadvantages of each option.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion even further, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly, such as 'furthermore,' 'in addition,' or 'consequently.'
task achievement
The essay thoroughly addresses the task, providing a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is strong, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well-supported and the arguments are coherent and logically presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • allocated funds
  • security personnel
  • vigilant monitoring
  • potential risks
  • deterrent
  • unpredictable situations
  • crowd control
  • surveillance
  • emergency response
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