IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
Some individuals argue that it is essential for everyone to be
money
-saving for their
future
, especially the young generation. From my point of view, I strongly agree with
this
 opinion and in
this
 essay, I will present my reasons.
To begin
 with, one of the advantages of saving
money
 is better retirement.
People
 need to be
money
-saving as it allows them to have a more comfortable life after they retire.
Moreover
, saving
money
 can assist
people
 to retire earlier. Saving
money
 can help
people
 to have a feeling of peace of mind as they have had enough
money
 for their
future
. Another reason for
people
 to have backup
money
 is it can benefit
people
 with the ability to afford some emergencies or special decisions.
People
 should save
money
 to pay for several payments
cost
Correct pronoun usage
that cost
show examples
 a huge amount of
money
 in the
future
such
 as hospital fees, housing, or purchasing cars.
According to
 a survey, in Vietnam, the price of an apartment had been increasing from 3 billion VND to 6 billion VND - double the past.
In addition
, saving
money
 can help
people
 to become wealthier. Using the amount of
money
 have saved to invest can help
people
 increase their total fortune. To illustrate, a study estimated that more In conclusion, I strongly agree that
people
 should save
money
 as it brings many advantages
such
 as better retirement, the ability to pay for emergencies and special decisions in the
future
.
Submitted by cathyngo1512 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph smoothly transitions into the next to enhance logical flow. Connect ideas more clearly with appropriate transition words or phrases.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. The mention of an apartment price increase in Vietnam is good, but similar specific examples should be included for other points as well.
task achievement
Avoid repetition of phrases. Instead of repeatedly saying "saving money", try rephrasing to maintain reader interest and improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Includes specific data relevant to the argument, such as the apartment price increase in Vietnam.
coherence cohesion
Clear thesis statement provided in the introduction, stating your opinion and the main points to be discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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