IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
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Some individuals argue that it is essential for everyone to be
money
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-saving for their
future
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, especially the young generation. From my point of view, I strongly agree with
this
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 opinion and in
this
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 essay, I will present my reasons.
To begin
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 with, one of the advantages of saving
money
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 is better retirement.
People
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 need to be
money
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-saving as it allows them to have a more comfortable life after they retire.
Moreover
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, saving
money
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 can assist
people
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 to retire earlier. Saving
money
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 can help
people
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 to have a feeling of peace of mind as they have had enough
money
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 for their
future
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. Another reason for
people
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 to have backup
money
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 is it can benefit
people
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 with the ability to afford some emergencies or special decisions.
People
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 should save
money
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 to pay for several payments
cost
Correct pronoun usage
that cost
show examples
 a huge amount of
money
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 in the
future
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such
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 as hospital fees, housing, or purchasing cars.
According to
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 a survey, in Vietnam, the price of an apartment had been increasing from 3 billion VND to 6 billion VND - double the past.
In addition
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, saving
money
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 can help
people
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 to become wealthier. Using the amount of
money
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 have saved to invest can help
people
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 increase their total fortune. To illustrate, a study estimated that more In conclusion, I strongly agree that
people
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 should save
money
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 as it brings many advantages
such
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 as better retirement, the ability to pay for emergencies and special decisions in the
future
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.
Submitted by cathyngo1512 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph smoothly transitions into the next to enhance logical flow. Connect ideas more clearly with appropriate transition words or phrases.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. The mention of an apartment price increase in Vietnam is good, but similar specific examples should be included for other points as well.
task achievement
Avoid repetition of phrases. Instead of repeatedly saying "saving money", try rephrasing to maintain reader interest and improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Includes specific data relevant to the argument, such as the apartment price increase in Vietnam.
coherence cohesion
Clear thesis statement provided in the introduction, stating your opinion and the main points to be discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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