The world today is a safer place than it was a hundred years ago, and government should stop spending large amount of money on their armed forces . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Today, we are not witnessing the
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
wars as our
granfathers
Correct your spelling
grandfathers
were years ago and the
word
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
is a safer place
in compare
Change preposition
compared
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
a few decades ago. Some people
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
that governments should not spend
money
on
army
Correct article usage
the army
show examples
due to
the
less invasion
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer invasions
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
happening.In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I will argue
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
for spending
money
on armies. In my opinion, some places in the world, like middle-east still
requiered
Correct your spelling
require
to spend a huge amount of their nation's budget on their
army
and equipment. Some areas on the Earth are still suffering from non-ended wars that
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
started
houndred
Correct your spelling
hundreds
years
Change preposition
of years
show examples
ago
beatween
Correct your spelling
between
their
ansesstors
Correct your spelling
ancestors
. So, they always have enemies and some other reasons to stay
Correct your spelling
equipped
equiped
Correct your spelling
equipped
and strong and
this
is not going to happen without spending
money
for either purchasing guns or producing them.
On the other hand
, even if there is no enemy or threat, having a strong
army
is one of the first vital features of a
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
country.
Obviusly
Correct your spelling
Obviously
, the strength of a country in most
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
of it,
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
show examples
on the
streingth
Correct your spelling
strength
of their
army
.
Moreover
, some armies are not just
mony-consumer
Correct your spelling
money-consumer
, but
also
they are a
helpfull
Correct your spelling
helpful
economical hand of their country by selling lots of different guns and war equipment to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
third-world countries . In
this
essay, I argued the reasons for spending
money
on
military
Add an article
the military
show examples
and my reason for
being disagree
Change the verb form
disagreeing
show examples
with stopping the
arnies
Correct your spelling
armies
budget.
Submitted by mohammadmafi6809 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt and maintains focus throughout. Try to include specific examples to strengthen your points and illustrate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence and cohesion by ensuring a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Make sure your ideas flow smoothly from one paragraph to the next and use appropriate linking words and phrases. An introduction and conclusion help frame your arguments comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of grammar, punctuation, and spelling errors. Frequent errors can distract the reader and obscure your ideas. Proofread your writing to catch any mistakes and ensure clarity.
task achievement
Enrich your essay with more comprehensive and specific ideas. Avoid vague statements and aim for detailed analysis to fully support your arguments.
task achievement
You present clear opinions and provide reasoning to support your views, which is a good start to building a strong argument.
task achievement
The essay stays on topic and attempts to answer the prompt, which demonstrates adequacy in understanding the task.
coherence cohesion
You make an effort to structure your ideas into paragraphs, which helps in presenting your arguments more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows awareness of global issues related to the topic, illustrating a good grasp of the subject matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological advancements
  • cybersecurity
  • surveillance
  • defense mechanisms
  • diplomatic relations
  • global organizations
  • United Nations (UN)
  • NATO
  • peace treaties
  • socioeconomic development
  • military expenditure
  • humanitarian outcomes
  • non-violent conflict resolution
  • historical perspective
  • counter-terrorism
  • internal security
  • traditional military expenditure
  • ethical argument
  • allocate funds
  • infrastructure
What to do next:
Look at other essays: