Wealthy countries should accept more refuge and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is an increasing number of
people
who are seeking protection from wealthy community
. Some Fix the agreement mistake
communities
people
believe that developed countries
should accept more and more refugees
. However
, others believe that protection
population should not only be sent to the well-developed areas. I believe that all Correct article usage
the protection
countries
should make their own contribution towards refugees
if possible.
On the one hand, there are many reasons for poor people
to float to developed community
in recent years. One of the most important reasons is that war is happening all over the world, especially Islamic world. So the emigrant have no Fix the agreement mistake
communities
home
to live and the supply of food is not sufficient for them, therefore
, they have to relocate to other countries
to seek help. Wealthy land become
their priority, they would like to get a decent life in developed Change the verb form
becomes
countries
. For example
, Australia is constantly accepting refugees
from all over the world every year to make sure they can be protected by the Australian government. We should learn from Australia and let refugees
enter the
wealthy Correct article usage
apply
countries
and have a proper life.
On the other hand
, Some people
believe that domestic wars should be stopped and let local people
enjoy their home
country. Because of wars happening in some areas, people
have become homeless, so stopping the wars will be one of the most effective ways to stop refugees
from floating from their home
country
to developed Fix the agreement mistake
countries
countries
.
In conclusion, I agree that advanced countries
should accept a certain number of refugees
. However
, the uncertainty in their home
country should be solved, such
as domestic battle
and religious conflicts.Fix the agreement mistake
battles
Submitted by canondu0828 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
To improve your task response, try to address all parts of the task more thoroughly. Ensure your essay clearly reflects the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices and linking words effectively. Ensure that each paragraph logically follows the previous one, and aim for smoother transitions between ideas.
task achievement
Make sure to support your main points with more relevant and specific examples. This will add depth to your arguments and demonstrate a stronger grasp of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your essay to ensure a more balanced discussion. You might include counterarguments and address them thoroughly to strengthen your position.
organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which shows good organizational skills.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic by discussing both viewpoints, which shows a balanced approach.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!