IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In the last decade, there has been a great increase in global air travel. What do you think are the reasons for this and do you think it is a good thing?

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In recent
decade
Fix the agreement mistake
decades
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, there has been a drastic rise observed in the
air
Use synonyms
 transportation industry. Various reasons are pinpointed to explain
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon, and
this
Linking Words
 essay will explain two of the many factors,
tourism
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 and international
education
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, that cause
increasing
Add an article
an increasing
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number
Use synonyms
 of
air
Use synonyms
travels
Fix the agreement mistake
travel
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 and justify my opinion towards
this
Linking Words
 positive trend. One of the reasons that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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air
Use synonyms
 transportation
are
Change the verb form
is
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 now popular is that it is more affordable than ever before, and
this
Linking Words
Add a missing verb
has result
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result
Replace the word
resulted
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 in a growing
number
Use synonyms
 of people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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going on
a
Correct article usage
apply
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holiday overseas. A returned
air
Use synonyms
 ticket from Phnom Penh to Bangkok can cost as little as less than US$100, making it ridiculously cheap for many.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, international
education
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 plays a role in explaining why there
are
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is
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increasing
Add an article
an increasing
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number
Use synonyms
 of human mobility through
air
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 travel. Many people move abroad to pursue higher
education
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 in
hope
Correct article usage
the hope
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to obtain
Change preposition
of obtaining
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a
Remove the article
apply
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decent employment after graduation. Some even opt for the
far away
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far-away
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 study destination to acquire optimal benefits from
such
Linking Words
endeavor
Correct article usage
an endeavor
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they must take flights whenever they decide to move from their home country to the destination country or vice versa. If it is for
tourism
Use synonyms
 and
education
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, I believe it is a positive thing to have.
Tourism
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 can help
global
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the global
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 economy to strive as the more economic activities are carried out, the more money
are
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is
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 spent, contributing to the flow of financial resources around the world, and
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
in
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 the end, benefiting
the
Correct article usage
apply
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global economic development.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
participate
Change the form of the verb
participating
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 in
education
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 abroad would generate countless advantages
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the students, whether it be for personal growth or professional development. The end result would be the quality human capital ready to participate actively in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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national and international development. All in all, two main reasons why the
number
Use synonyms
 of
air
Use synonyms
travels
Fix the agreement mistake
travel
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have
Change the verb form
has
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 increased in the past decades are
tourism
Use synonyms
 and international
education
Use synonyms
, and I believe it is a positive trend as it contributes to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
national and global economic prosperity and
nation building
Add a hyphen
nation-building
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.

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grammar
Work on sentence structure to avoid minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues. For example: 'A returned air ticket from Phnom Penh to Bangkok can cost as little as less than US$100.' should be 'A return air ticket from Phnom Penh to Bangkok can cost less than US$100.'
content development
Expand on your ideas slightly more to make them clearer and more comprehensive. For example, in discussing tourism, you could briefly touch on how affordable air travel has opened up new possibilities for middle-class families worldwide.
coherence
Use more transitional phrases to enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs, such as 'In addition,' 'Moreover,' and 'As a result.' This will improve the overall coherence.
content strength
The essay offers clear, relevant points that support the main argument regarding the rise in air travel due to tourism and education.
structure strength
The introduction effectively sets up the topic, and the conclusion nicely summarizes the main points while reinforcing your opinion.
evidence strength
Examples provided, such as the cost of a ticket from Phnom Penh to Bangkok, are concrete and help illustrate your points well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic growth
  • Disposable income
  • Aviation technology
  • Efficient
  • Proliferation
  • Budget airlines
  • Globalization
  • Tourism
  • Social media
  • Promotional activities
  • Economic development
  • Cultural exchange
  • Environmental impact
  • Carbon emissions
  • Climate change
  • Over-tourism
  • Local resources
What to do next:
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