The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What ca be done to solve this problem?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the contemporary era, the high population undeniably influenced the demand rate of consumer goods. To fulfil these needs,
governments
Use synonyms
or manufacturers increase their
production
Use synonyms
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
method causes damage to the natural environment.
This
Linking Words
essay will discuss the causes of
this
Linking Words
problem and present viable solutions to overcome these issues.
To begin
Linking Words
with, there are several practices that have been implemented
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
result in the destruction of the natural environment.
Firstly
Linking Words
, exploitation of the natural environment becomes
land
Use synonyms
for
production
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, deforestation in Kalimantan to open new
rice
Use synonyms
fields to fulfil
national
Add an article
the national
show examples
high
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
demand for
rice
Use synonyms
. Even though
this
Linking Words
method has a good aim, it not only creates global warming but
also
Linking Words
damages the habitat of indigenous flora and fauna.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the process of using chemical
pesticides
Use synonyms
results in environmental damage and poses a plethora of risks to human and animal life. Many farmers
use
Use synonyms
these
pesticides
Use synonyms
to maximize their yields but they
use
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
without any proper
measure
Fix the agreement mistake
measures
show examples
. There are several measures that should be taken to solve these problems.
Initially
Linking Words
,
Governments
Use synonyms
should stop their programs to open new
land
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
, and they could
use
Use synonyms
the existing lands
then
Linking Words
ensure by regulating the
land
Use synonyms
owners not to change status their
land
Use synonyms
becomes buildings or housing stater. Other steps could be carried out by importing
rice
Use synonyms
from other countries to fulfil the national needs.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Governments
Use synonyms
require campaigns using safe and natural
pesticides
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
all farmers and
also
Linking Words
provide these things on the market, so it is easy for farmers to purchase them. In Conclusion, all natural damages caused by the process of
production
Use synonyms
could be
overcomed
Correct your spelling
overcome
show examples
by stopping the programs which make natural forests become
land
Use synonyms
productions
Replace the word
products
show examples
and
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
show examples
rice
Use synonyms
import.
Then
Linking Words
Governments
Use synonyms
should carry out campaigns to
use
Use synonyms
safe and natural
pesticides
Use synonyms
and
followed
Change the verb form
follow
show examples
by providing adequate these in the market
Submitted by mfmakarim55 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay effectively discusses both causes and solutions, it could benefit from a bit more depth in the explanations and examples. Delving deeper into the specifics of how these causes and solutions impact the environment and society would make the response more robust.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured; however, transition between ideas could be smoother. Utilizing more transitional phrases can help improve the flow and readability of the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that recommendations and solutions are clearly and fully developed. The idea of importing rice is introduced but could use further elaboration. Why is this a viable solution, and what are the potential drawbacks?
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay. They provide a concise overview of what the essay will discuss and summarize the key points appropriately.
task achievement
The essay incorporates relevant and specific examples such as deforestation in Kalimantan and the use of chemical pesticides, which help strengthen the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • production
  • consumer goods
  • natural environment
  • damage
  • causes
  • overconsumption
  • demand
  • environmental regulations
  • enforcement
  • natural resources
  • industrial pollution
  • waste
  • inadequate
  • waste management practices
  • public awareness
  • education
  • sustainable alternatives
  • stricter environmental laws
  • recycling
  • responsible consumption
  • clean technologies
  • renewable energy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: