The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What ca be done to solve this problem?
In the contemporary era, the high population undeniably influenced the demand rate of consumer goods. To fulfil these needs,
governments
or manufacturers increase their production
however
, this
method causes damage to the natural environment. This
essay will discuss the causes of this
problem and present viable solutions to overcome these issues.
To begin
with, there are several practices that have been implemented which
result in the destruction of the natural environment. Correct word choice
that
Firstly
, exploitation of the natural environment becomes land
for production
. For example
, deforestation in Kalimantan to open new rice
fields to fulfil national
Add an article
the national
high
demand for Correct word choice
apply
rice
. Even though this
method has a good aim, it not only creates global warming but also
damages the habitat of indigenous flora and fauna. Furthermore
, the process of using chemical pesticides
results in environmental damage and poses a plethora of risks to human and animal life. Many farmers use
these pesticides
to maximize their yields but they use
it
without any proper Correct pronoun usage
them
measure
.
There are several measures that should be taken to solve these problems. Fix the agreement mistake
measures
Initially
, Governments
should stop their programs to open new land
production
, and they could use
the existing lands then
ensure by regulating the land
owners not to change status their land
becomes buildings or housing stater. Other steps could be carried out by importing rice
from other countries to fulfil the national needs. In addition
, Governments
require campaigns using safe and natural pesticides
to
all farmers and Change preposition
for
also
provide these things on the market, so it is easy for farmers to purchase them.
In Conclusion, all natural damages caused by the process of production
could be overcomed
by stopping the programs which make natural forests become Correct your spelling
overcome
land
productions
and Replace the word
products
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
rice
import. Then
Governments
should carry out campaigns to use
safe and natural pesticides
and followed
by providing adequate these in the marketChange the verb form
follow
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task achievement
While the essay effectively discusses both causes and solutions, it could benefit from a bit more depth in the explanations and examples. Delving deeper into the specifics of how these causes and solutions impact the environment and society would make the response more robust.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured; however, transition between ideas could be smoother. Utilizing more transitional phrases can help improve the flow and readability of the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that recommendations and solutions are clearly and fully developed. The idea of importing rice is introduced but could use further elaboration. Why is this a viable solution, and what are the potential drawbacks?
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay. They provide a concise overview of what the essay will discuss and summarize the key points appropriately.
task achievement
The essay incorporates relevant and specific examples such as deforestation in Kalimantan and the use of chemical pesticides, which help strengthen the argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example