Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through the Internet and they can study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #children #information #internet #study #home

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Human development is a complex interplay of many factors.

Although

Linking Words

internet

Correct article usage

the internet

show examples

reach

Change the verb form

reaches

show examples

every

courner

Correct your spelling

corner

nation

Add an article

the nation

a nation

show examples

for education and information even though

students

Use synonyms

need to go

school

Change preposition

to school

show examples

fortheir

Correct your spelling

for their

studies

Use synonyms

because

schools

Use synonyms

not only provide information but

also

Linking Words

convey social and behavioural

acpect

Correct your spelling

aspects

aspect

of life .In the following paragraphs , I intend to put forth my arguments to support my view. The most important reason behind

this

Linking Words

disaggrement

Correct your spelling

disagreement

was the detrimental

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

due to

Linking Words

absence

Correct article usage

the absence

show examples

of socialising

while

Linking Words

not reaching

Change preposition

apply

show examples

schools

Use synonyms

for

studies

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

online

studies

Use synonyms

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

nowadays are easily reachable even though traditional

schools

Use synonyms

contibute

Correct your spelling

contribute

to social development by fostering communication and collaboration skills among the

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

For instance

Linking Words

,During

pandemic

Correct article usage

the pandemic

show examples

situation

Add a comma

situation,

show examples

the latest survey on

Use synonyms

students

Change noun form

students'

student's

show examples

behaviour

convey

Wrong verb form

conveyed

show examples

that online classes

was

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

preferably benefit adult

students

Use synonyms

but in

case

Correct article usage

the case

show examples

of young ones in

growing

Correct article usage

the growing

show examples

stage

showing

Wrong verb form

show

show examples

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of confidence and communication skills .

Therfore

Correct your spelling

Therefore

, considering long run prespect online

studies

Use synonyms

at home

was

Correct subject-verb agreement

were

show examples

inadequate for

yongersters

Correct your spelling

younger

growth.

Secondly

Linking Words

, extracurricular activities in

schools

Use synonyms

nurture talents and interests outside of academics

such

Linking Words

as sports like cricket, football and badminton .

Moreover

Linking Words

, subjects like arts and

practial

Correct your spelling

practical

apporach

Correct your spelling

approach

for all subjects was only guided by teachers in

schools

Use synonyms

because

schools

Use synonyms

provide

Add an article

a laboratory

show examples

laboratory

Fix the agreement mistake

laboratories

show examples

for

cemistry

Correct your spelling

chemistry

, physics and biology classes.

Linking Words

for

Capitalize word

For

show examples

example practising titration

experiment

Fix the agreement mistake

experiments

show examples

of chemistry was not possible at home

tution

Correct your spelling

tuition

classes and children

intrested

Correct your spelling

interested

in sports was unable to practise at home.

Hence

Linking Words

practising and learning under the

guidence

Correct your spelling

guidance

of school teachers

students

Use synonyms

significantlty

Correct your spelling

significantly

enroll

for

Change preposition

show examples

sports and other activities like dancing and singing . In conclusion,

Schools

Use synonyms

are

basic

Add an article

a basic

the basic

show examples

platform for every growing

individuals

Change to a singular noun

individual

show examples

. I

appose

Correct your spelling

oppose

show examples

this

Linking Words

trend of

learing

Correct your spelling

learning

online because behavioural and communication skills are

important

Add an article

an important

show examples

part

Fix the agreement mistake

parts

show examples

of life to grow and socialise with others.

Therefore

Linking Words

schools

Use synonyms

are always

necessary

Add an article

a necessary

show examples

platform for education.

Submitted by sinjatiwari15 on Tue Jul 23 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Your essay covers important arguments against the idea of studying exclusively through the internet. However, make sure to elaborate further on each point for a more comprehensive response. Specifically, address both sides of the argument before concluding your stance.

task achievement

The examples used are relevant but could be more specific and detailed to effectively support your main points. Try to include precise data or personal anecdotes where applicable.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use linking words and phrases for better flow between ideas. Additionally, breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones can help improve readability.

coherence cohesion

The introduction sets the stage well for the essay, but consider refining it to be more concise. Your conclusion summarizes the arguments effectively but could reiterate the key points more clearly.

coherence cohesion

Use proper grammar, punctuation, and spelling throughout your essay. Pay attention to sentence structures to avoid awkward phrasing. Minor errors in grammar and punctuation have been noted, and reducing these will improve the clarity of your writing.

coherence cohesion

The essay starts with a clear introduction that outlines the main argument, making it easy for the reader to understand the stance from the beginning.

task achievement

You have included relevant points about the importance of social and behavioral aspects of traditional schooling, as well as the role of extracurricular activities in nurturing talents.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
45
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

295 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

social development
fostering communication
personalized guidance
immediate feedback
replicated
structured environments
discipline
time management skills
extracurricular activities
nurture talents
inculcate
sense of community
shared learning experiences
equal access
learning opportunities

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Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through the Internet and they can study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

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More and more people want to buy clothes, cars and other products from well-known brands. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science at university. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society?