IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #countries #diseases #curable #medication #drug #companies #products #prices
The high cost of modern
drug
 treatment means
people
 in poorer
countries
 are frequently unable to benefit from it. I would argue that
drug
companies
 have a moral obligation to make their products available at lower cost to developing
countries
 and, what’s more, that rich governments and
people
 can help. Over the
last
 few
decades
Add a comma
decades,
show examples
 there was a dramatic improvement in medicine that changed the treatment of many
life threatening
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
show examples
 diseases.
Drug
companies
 make money by
treatment
Replace the word
treating
show examples
 these diseases.
However
, the fact that
people
 in poor
countries
 are unable to pay for these treatments has created a very unequal situation. I think that
drug
companies
 have a responsibility to be more ethical and that they have a responsibility
for addressing
Change preposition
to address
show examples
this
 inequality. They can do
this
 by offering cheaper medicines in
countries
 that cannot afford to pay the full price.
This
 means that everyone can get the drugs that they need.
However
, I
also
 believe that there are others who have a role to play in giving poor
people
 access to drugs.
For example
, richer
people
 could be encouraged to donate to charities to help developing
countries
. An example of
this
 was seen recently when Bill Gates spent a lot of money and set up immunising projects in Africa. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 I would argue that it is immoral for
people
 to die because of inequality, Access to medicine should be universal and it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
should be the responsibility of the richer
companies
, individuals and governments to ensure that
this
 is happening.
Submitted by fabiocasero on

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grammar
Ensure grammatical accuracy throughout your essay to avoid small mistakes that might hinder understanding.
task response
Be sure to expand on how rich governments and individuals specifically can contribute to making medicine more accessible.
coherence cohesion
Make transitions between paragraphs more explicit to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task response
You have presented a clear argument concerning the moral obligations of drug companies and the role of richer individuals and governments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both well-structured, providing a coherent start and end to your essay.
task response
The use of examples, such as Bill Gates’ donation, effectively supports your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pharmaceuticals
  • Generic drugs
  • Patent laws
  • Healthcare disparity
  • Subsidies
  • Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs)
  • Intellectual property
  • Epidemiology
  • Affordability
  • Global health initiatives
  • Corporate social responsibility
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