Being famous on the Internet is a good because of some reasons Is this a positive or negative development?

In recent years, many
people
have been posting their
videos
on the internet for being famous.
According to
me, there are more upsides than drawbacks to
put
Change the verb form
putting
show examples
videos
on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. Being famous has several negatives. One of the main drawbacks of fame is
excellent
Correct article usage
the excellent
show examples
loss of privacy.
The popular
Correct article usage
Popular
show examples
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
are always under constant media scrutiny, which is why they can not do what they like.
Furthermore
, famous
people
find it difficult to believe others. Because they fear their personal
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
,
such
as private relationships,
issues
Correct word choice
and issues
show examples
related
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
family or friends, will be disclosed in the media network. Despite these negative effects, there are many positives. One of the major benefits is that fame can bring a lot of money. Many online famouses earn millions through advertising online
due to
the fact, a number of
people
really watch their
videos
. The interest of
people
multiple
Add a missing verb
is multiple
show examples
when they watch
videos
of famous individuals. At the same time, numerous
people
make
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
by parading their unique
talent
Fix the agreement mistake
talents
show examples
on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
and
gain
Wrong verb form
gaining
show examples
popularity among the audience.
For instance
, famous singer Amala Poul posted her video on the internet and got overnight fame. Currently, she is exactly one of the most popular singers in the world.
Moreover
, communication skills can be
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
by participating in various social media events.
As well as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it improves the ability to communicate clearly in front of the public. In conclusion,
although
being famous has drawbacks, it can indeed be a positive development for several reasons. Individuals exactly show their own talent. It might be really beneficial for
people
.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear position on the topic. However, to achieve a higher score, try to develop your arguments further and provide more balanced views. Discuss both sides of the argument in more detail.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction briefly outlines the main points that you will discuss in the essay. This makes your essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your paragraphs. Each paragraph should discuss one main idea clearly. For instance, separate the discussion of the drawbacks and benefits more distinctly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You provide some relevant specific examples, such as the story of Amala Poul. This helps to strengthen your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!