Being famous on the Internet is a good because of some reasons Is this a positive or negative development?

In recent years, many
people
have been posting their
videos
on the internet for being famous.
According to
me, there are more upsides than drawbacks to
put
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putting
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videos
on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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. Being famous has several negatives. One of the main drawbacks of fame is
excellent
Correct article usage
the excellent
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loss of privacy.
The popular
Correct article usage
Popular
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persons
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people
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are always under constant media scrutiny, which is why they can not do what they like.
Furthermore
, famous
people
find it difficult to believe others. Because they fear their personal
informations
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information
pieces of information
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,
such
as private relationships,
issues
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and issues
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related
for
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to
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family or friends, will be disclosed in the media network. Despite these negative effects, there are many positives. One of the major benefits is that fame can bring a lot of money. Many online famouses earn millions through advertising online
due to
the fact, a number of
people
really watch their
videos
. The interest of
people
multiple
Add a missing verb
is multiple
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when they watch
videos
of famous individuals. At the same time, numerous
people
make
career
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careers
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by parading their unique
talent
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talents
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on
the
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apply
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social
medias
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media
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and
gain
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gaining
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popularity among the audience.
For instance
, famous singer Amala Poul posted her video on the internet and got overnight fame. Currently, she is exactly one of the most popular singers in the world.
Moreover
, communication skills can be
increase
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increased
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by participating in various social media events.
As well as
,
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apply
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it improves the ability to communicate clearly in front of the public. In conclusion,
although
being famous has drawbacks, it can indeed be a positive development for several reasons. Individuals exactly show their own talent. It might be really beneficial for
people
.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear position on the topic. However, to achieve a higher score, try to develop your arguments further and provide more balanced views. Discuss both sides of the argument in more detail.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction briefly outlines the main points that you will discuss in the essay. This makes your essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your paragraphs. Each paragraph should discuss one main idea clearly. For instance, separate the discussion of the drawbacks and benefits more distinctly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You provide some relevant specific examples, such as the story of Amala Poul. This helps to strengthen your argument.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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