Being famous on the Internet is a good because of some reasons Is this a positive or negative development?
In recent years, many
people
have been posting their videos
on the internet for being famous. According to
me, there are more upsides than drawbacks to put
Change the verb form
putting
videos
on the internet
.
Being famous has several negatives. One of the main drawbacks of fame is Capitalize word
Internet
excellent
loss of privacy. Correct article usage
the excellent
The popular
Correct article usage
Popular
persons
are always under constant media scrutiny, which is why they can not do what they like. Replace the word
people
Furthermore
, famous people
find it difficult to believe others. Because they fear their personal informations
, Change the wording
information
pieces of information
such
as private relationships, issues
related Correct word choice
and issues
for
family or friends, will be disclosed in the media network.
Despite these negative effects, there are many positives. One of the major benefits is that fame can bring a lot of money. Many online famouses earn millions through advertising online Change preposition
to
due to
the fact, a number of people
really watch their videos
. The interest of people
multiple
when they watch Add a missing verb
is multiple
videos
of famous individuals. At the same time, numerous people
make career
by parading their unique Fix the agreement mistake
careers
talent
on Fix the agreement mistake
talents
the
social Correct article usage
apply
medias
and Correct your spelling
media
gain
popularity among the audience. Wrong verb form
gaining
For instance
, famous singer Amala Poul posted her video on the internet and got overnight fame. Currently, she is exactly one of the most popular singers in the world. Moreover
, communication skills can be increase
by participating in various social media events. Wrong verb form
increased
As well as
,
it improves the ability to communicate clearly in front of the public.
In conclusion, Remove the comma
apply
although
being famous has drawbacks, it can indeed be a positive development for several reasons. Individuals exactly show their own talent. It might be really beneficial for people
.Submitted by omondavlat91 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear position on the topic. However, to achieve a higher score, try to develop your arguments further and provide more balanced views. Discuss both sides of the argument in more detail.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction briefly outlines the main points that you will discuss in the essay. This makes your essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your paragraphs. Each paragraph should discuss one main idea clearly. For instance, separate the discussion of the drawbacks and benefits more distinctly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You provide some relevant specific examples, such as the story of Amala Poul. This helps to strengthen your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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